Monday, November 15, 2010

Signs Of Life.

These are the only signs that Mamma T is in the house.
Or, I should say that these are the only obvious signs.
Two different traps for two different pests.

The first trap is genius in it's simplicity.
It's almost not fair because she knows me too well.
Obviously I will want to do a sink full of dishes full of water.
And what happens as I reach to turn on the water?
I slice my radial artery clean open on the carefully placed soup can lid!
Brilliant! Point T-Dubs.
Only it didn't work because for some fateful reason our hot water handle is on the right hand side instead of the left!
I take that point back and award it to the lazy plumber that installed it that way.

The second trap is for the mouse.
You may or may not know that we live with a mouse.
Possibly a stove full of mice, but it could also just be one mouse that poops a lot.
This trap is less genius, although that remains to be seen I suppose.
It is certainly less lethal and more cute than the first trap.
What it is is a rat sized glue trap, turned upside down over one of four burners on our stove.
I can only imagine that she is trying to catch curious mice.

"Hey, why do you think that this one hole is covered and none of the others are?... MIght as well see..."

That was the curious mouse.
And won't it feel silly when it gets it's head stuck on that sticky trap!
I actually picked this one up very gingerly, fully expecting to see one to several mice just hanging by their little heads, looking to me for help.

For future reference, to all the mice that are reading this, I am of no help.
I feel absolutely no remorse disposing of you.
Want proof?

How's THAT for you!?
I came home to find this mouse skittering about in the sink, presumably eating the wet food scraps in the drain trap.
I was shocked, and I almost didn't do anything about it.
But then I quickly made some calculations:
-If I did nothing, then the mouse might escape and thusly think I was some big pussy.
-It was really having problems getting a good hold on the sides of the sink, and it couldn't get out. I think this may have something to do with it being scared for it's life. So I either had to try and calm it down until it could slowly climb out of the sink, OR I would have to HELP it out of the sink with a spoon or something and then let it run off to tell it's friends about the big pussy that just saved it's life. And I actually considered this.
- Deciding that Mamma T might be impressed with my ability to actually kill a mouse, I grabbed the hand sprayer and started to spray the mouse in the face to begin the very slow process of drowning it. I figured that since this was essentially what I would have to do with the mice that fell victim to T's gluey hat trap on the stove then what was the big deal?

Well, it took a little longer than I thought it would, and that is a testament to the will of survival.
But in the end my kitchen sink's sprayer was stronger than the will of survival and soon enough I was staring at this dead, wet little mouse. To make sure that it was not faking I poked it in the eye since this was a trick that a friend who went into the special forces after high school told me THEY used to determine if an unconscious human target was still alive or not.
Like, they'd flick them in the eye, and if the reacted then they knew if they had to kill them more or something.
Anyways, the mouse didn't blink, and so I put it in the trash and then thought about what I had just done.

Actually what I thought about was how unmoved I was after killing the mouse.
I felt nothing.

When I was little I shot a couple of birds with a BB Gun, and one time I even shot a bird with an arrow.
I swear to Geez that I shot a bird with an arrow! I crunched it up against a tree and it died.
I felt bad about those birds.
Not the mouse though.
I think that this is because birds can fly, and I view this as a gift, a freedom unattainable by man...
something that I truly envy.
A mouse on the other hand, well let's put it this way, I already eat whatever I want to, and I could poop behind the refrigerator if I really wanted to.

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