Thursday, April 09, 2015

Level Check

Today was miserable.
Or at least, it always felt on the verge of miserable, which is almost worse because then you are just always waiting for it to get worse. But today it did not. It just felt like it would.

Still, it was no walk in a park.

I am giving myself some time to myself.
Because sometimes you have to.

When you do so much stuff like I did today, you have earned some quiet time.
And you should never feel guilty for taking it.

You need to be able to reset your levels.
It's all around better for everyone if you are at your best.


Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Looking For Threads

But most of all he was a wizard.

Can I Be Right Back?

I am cleaning.
I am placing a brick onto another brick
in the name of tidiness.
Stacking bricks, sweeping dust.
Then I hear him wake.

I am not ready to go full on Dad.
Meaning, I still got shit to do and I really need him to go back to sleep.
So I wait, I hold my breath and freeze position.

Stirring turns to cooing and I have no choice
I open the door and walk into the artificial waves
I can hear him doing what I was doing
Holding his breath, waiting to see what'll happen next

He is standing up and so I lay him back down and then he stands back up, we wrestle like this for a minute and then I push him back down and put my head down onto his back, I am holding him down with my head. This has worked in the past and it works now also. 
He settles down and I start to rub his back, rubbing him back to sleep and
I start to imagine what he must be going through right now.

A big hand, almost as big as your entire torso
gently massaging your already soft muscles into
 even softer pudding.

After a while, and I can tell by his breathing, he is still awake.
But he is just laying there, relaxed and content.
And I realize I am relaxed and content too.

Being part of the moment is an important life tool.
So is being able to relate to others, especially children.
Also changing the direction at which you approach a perceived problem.

We ended up outside in the sun eating crackers.

It was one fluid moment, this afternoon.


Sunday, March 29, 2015


I just bit into a banana and felt an instant moment of worry 
I was worried that I was eating my son's banana. 
Like I thought it belonged to him. 
Like I should have asked. 
I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture. 
Even though I bought it. 
And if it weren't for his parents he wouldn't even know what a banana is. 

Then I thought of our trip to the Dominican Republic
And how there was a tiny banana tree outside the...
Anyways it was then that I thought
 maybe growing up on that beach 
wouldn't be the worst thing to do. 

It's nice to be a banana there. 
Unlike here in my house. 
It's no good for a banana here. 
Just confusing

Witnessing the guilt and stress of an 
thirty something year old man 
as he slowly bites you in half. 

I'm sure the bananas in DR just ripen in the sun and 
say what's up to the lizards and mysterious horses. 
They have no idea what just went down in my house. 

Having this new baby, getting used to him is a trip.
A completely new and different personality in the house.
Generally everyone gets along but I can't shake the feeling 
that we are also all still figuring each other out.
I mean, if there is another way to exist, 
I don't know of one.

All you can do is be open, kind and communicative.
And write your names on your bananas.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Weekend Scenery

It was crazy hat day for Burger.
It was crazy Spring day for us.
Crazy mango day for Little Guy.
And a crazy calm smoothed me out.

The snow came out of nowhere, heavy and wet and coating everything in pure white.
Then, in a flash it was gone, not even puddles to remind us of what was.
Did you read about this extra warm sea water that is warming the glaciers from beneath?
The climatologists are pretty freaked about it.
It's not good.

Did you read about how California has one year of water left?
Most of the vegetables and fruits you eat in the winter are grown out West.
It's an upside down, unsustainable mess we got ourselves in.

It's in the back of my mind always.

But at the end of the day, there is only that day to have lived.
Tomorrow is never certain.