Monday, July 18, 2016

Grow So Fast


It all goes too fast.
I have so much to say and not
enough time to say it
because I am busy trying
to keep up and not miss
a thing.


Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Life Tricks

Feeling the sun shining down on you?
That's great.

That is what I imagine life being, like, the best life possible.

A stone, on a beach.
A fish, in a lagoon.
A leaf on top of a tree.
A bone, whitening in the desert.

What do you do with reoccurring  dreams?
When you know a room, or a path or a scenario so well...

What does it all mean and why did it choose me?

I don't know what to say about that.
I just wish it didn't feel so heavy.


Thursday, June 16, 2016

Breakfast for Lunch

I had the startling realization today that by letting people do what they
are going to do, and giving them space and time to get their ideas or feelings out
all of a sudden they make a whole lot more sense.

Here I think that Burger is as stubborn as a clam when he won't open up to me.
Then I start to catch little bits of information if I just let him talk.
I ask minimal questions, or I save them for the end.

Tonight was simple, quiet and productive.

Guide by example, not force

I can't have certain expectations about who he, or anyone is or should be.
I can be happy they're alive and work to a space where we relate.

I am not kidding when I say that I have two children.

It's a lot, or it can be.
But I have support systems.
And that is as important 
as anything.


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Make them laugh.

These moments in time exist.
You must look for them.
They are fleeting.

But if they exist, and they do
then you know something is going right.
Even if you worry about things not.

There is a reason for everything.

Thursday, June 09, 2016

Sick Boy

This morning, as I wiped the only hour of sleep I got last night from my eyes
I was startled to have this young man come scrambling on top of me, half sobbing, one quarter 
hyperventilating and one quarter handsome as all hell.
He said he was having a panic attack.
It was 5:40 in the morning.

This planted the seeds of an all day panic attack, but at the time I was unaware
of this fact and I proceeded to do what I always seem to do lately and 
tell him to quiet down lest he wake his baby brother and then god have mercy 
on us all for we shall all feel that one's wrath...
Which is mighty.

This guy, this guy that has been known as Burger, he was sick.
And I felt as though I failed him this morning.
And this is a heartache.

I suppose I am often 
too hard on myself.
I want so badly to do right by him
and this clouds the moment
and I often end up focusing 
on what I want rather than what
he needs

Maybe? Probably?

I am being dramatic though.
I told my coworker today, 
"My reward for making it through the day is to see both my children tucked into their beds, snoring."
This is basically true.

Because one day doesn't define you as a person.
It's a long game that you enter into upon becoming a parent.
A game that doesn't end.

I told another worker bee once that I only can see the world now through the lens of being a father. 
I have no memory of sleeping in.
I have no memory of myself as a being who isn't relied upon to be responsible, kind, patient and loving.

Becoming a parent, you say goodbye to who you think you are.
It is no longer about that person.
It is no longer about "you"

There is only the child.
This is how it is.

You find time to fit yourself into the cracks around them.

I am fine with this.

It's not like I was in the middle of Law School or anything.