Thursday, June 16, 2016

Breakfast for Lunch

I had the startling realization today that by letting people do what they
are going to do, and giving them space and time to get their ideas or feelings out
all of a sudden they make a whole lot more sense.

Here I think that Burger is as stubborn as a clam when he won't open up to me.
Then I start to catch little bits of information if I just let him talk.
I ask minimal questions, or I save them for the end.

Tonight was simple, quiet and productive.

Guide by example, not force

I can't have certain expectations about who he, or anyone is or should be.
I can be happy they're alive and work to a space where we relate.

I am not kidding when I say that I have two children.

It's a lot, or it can be.
But I have support systems.
And that is as important 
as anything.


Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Make them laugh.

These moments in time exist.
You must look for them.
They are fleeting.

But if they exist, and they do
then you know something is going right.
Even if you worry about things not.

There is a reason for everything.

Thursday, June 09, 2016

Sick Boy

This morning, as I wiped the only hour of sleep I got last night from my eyes
I was startled to have this young man come scrambling on top of me, half sobbing, one quarter 
hyperventilating and one quarter handsome as all hell.
He said he was having a panic attack.
It was 5:40 in the morning.

This planted the seeds of an all day panic attack, but at the time I was unaware
of this fact and I proceeded to do what I always seem to do lately and 
tell him to quiet down lest he wake his baby brother and then god have mercy 
on us all for we shall all feel that one's wrath...
Which is mighty.

This guy, this guy that has been known as Burger, he was sick.
And I felt as though I failed him this morning.
And this is a heartache.

I suppose I am often 
too hard on myself.
I want so badly to do right by him
and this clouds the moment
and I often end up focusing 
on what I want rather than what
he needs

Maybe? Probably?

I am being dramatic though.
I told my coworker today, 
"My reward for making it through the day is to see both my children tucked into their beds, snoring."
This is basically true.

Because one day doesn't define you as a person.
It's a long game that you enter into upon becoming a parent.
A game that doesn't end.

I told another worker bee once that I only can see the world now through the lens of being a father. 
I have no memory of sleeping in.
I have no memory of myself as a being who isn't relied upon to be responsible, kind, patient and loving.

Becoming a parent, you say goodbye to who you think you are.
It is no longer about that person.
It is no longer about "you"

There is only the child.
This is how it is.

You find time to fit yourself into the cracks around them.

I am fine with this.

It's not like I was in the middle of Law School or anything.

Letting Go.

Take care of yourself.
Take care of your family.
Let everyone be the people they are, and watch them 
grow into the people they can become.

Letting go is the hardest, most rewarding part of being alive.
I think Lincoln said that.
It may have been Neil Armstrong.

These two guys, in the picture?
They are who they are, and they're happy with that.
And so I am happy with that.

Look at all that hair.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Group Therapy

Today was like group therapy but at work though.
I felt very competent and aware, and I was proud to be at work.
Days like today are a gift.

I have other things to go do now.
But know that I keep it going.