Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Sad, Smoldering Gift of Life.

That's the sound I make when I slip into a bathtub full of hot water. 
I used to just scream because no one likes to slip on (or into) anything. 
But then I learned to let go, or at least, I practiced letting go and I got kind of good at it. 
I learned to appreciate my accidents. 
It's easier than being upset about them. 
Way easier. 

I went to Portland to see about a Jim. 
I ended up seeing more than I bargained for. 
Like beautiful, endless coasts. 
Like beautiful, less endless forests. 
It's pretty obvious the oceans are going to win. 
Can't cut down an ocean. 
We can pollute it, sure, but the melting ice caps will see to it that we drown in our own filth. 
I'm sorry, that's so bleak. 
I didn't mean it like that. 

But there is a place I visited where you could watch the foggy clouds roll out to sea, softly rubbing against the tips of the trees as if they were slapping Hi-5's. 
"Yeah bro, we know what's up, don't let life get you down."
"You too dude!"
"See you laterrrr..."


I saw my friends. 
I have since made some new friends, but there isn't any comparing adult friends to childhood friends. 
We helped each other get to a point where we foolishly felt as if the best thing to do was break apart the friendship, move away and learn to live without each other. 

Had I not done that I wouldn't have the life I have now, it's impossible and sad to think about that life. 
That life without all that I have now. My family, my accomplishments, my life.
But standing around a fire of dug up roots and dry Christmas tree branches, laughing a teenager's laugh and feeling a wholesome feeling I didn't even know I missed, well it messes with a brain. 
Even if your brain knows karate, it can't fight off the feelings that ensue. 

Basically you're fucked either way. 
And that is the lesson I left with. 

It's a rare friend that can take you back in time without making you feel pathetic. 
I got two of those, and they live on the opposite side of the country. 

But as it stands, we are all making each other proud. We are all facing and dealing with problems. We are all three grown ass men now, and not a one of us is failing at that. So I take comfort in knowing that our formative years were exactly that, formative. We helped each other, and we learned that we could live far away from each other and still tackle grown ass men issues. 

Success, Failure and the Unknown. 

We got it covered. 

It'd be nice to stand around a sad little fire every night and be each other's pillars and sounding boards. 
But that's not us,
And who even knows how that might limit our future growth?!

There will always be that fire, 
more smoke than flame, 
more smolder than crackle, 
but it's the smolder that helps start new fires. 
Tend to that smolder and you can always start anew, 
wherever you end up. 

Love you guys. 

1 comment:

No dick heads please.