History Lesson

-Dad, whats the satue of liberty for?

That's how the Pilgrims got here son.

-What?!

Yes. You know how you like those Power Ranger books? Well, the Statue of liberty was the pilgrim's Zord, it's how they traveled back then.

-I thought they came on boats.

Yep, sure did. Then they had to break those boats down and build their Zord, which they 

modeled after a Pilgrim woman getting out of the shower.
-Why'd they do that?
So that they could start to colonize the New World.

-Then what?

They, with the help of Paul Bunyon took the land away from the Indians and made America.

-Who is Paul Bunyon?

He is Johnny Appleseed's Zord. He comes with a Blue Ox, who is also a Zord.

-Then what happened?

There is very little use for a Zord now a days since most of them wouldn't fit 

in our cars or homes, so they turned it into a statue.

-Why do we have the fireworks?

To appease the Liberty Zord so that she may never again stomp a trail 

of justice through the land, disrupting the peace.

It makes about as much sense as the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.

Happy 4th y'all.