Wednesday, March 07, 2007

One page drawings.

I have the day off.
I woke up this morning and it was snowing lightly.
T and I have been trying to be different.
Trying to break apart habits that we have with each other.
These would be what we would call "bad" habits.
It's hard though right? I mean, you get used to things the way they are sometimes... even if you don't like the way that things are all the time. I mean, you have only have so much time in the day and sometimes you have to think about other things before you can think about yourself and your stupid problems right?
Examples would be work, school, direction in life, groceries, laundry, free time, drawing, driving and commuting...
Well you can see the list is stretching on and on with no end in sight, and this is all in ONE day! So what are you supposed to do?
How do you change the way you act when you can't change the rest of your environment?
When you have the same surroundings all the time, it is easy to fall into roles and habits and I don't understand how, if your environment stays the same, you can be expected to change?
If the things you want to change are internal, but you have constant external re-enforcement, it makes it very difficult to be a different person.
It is something you have to really want. You really have to work on it, all the time! It is gradual and slow like an ice berg.
I know that this isn't the same, but listen to this...
There is this vintage men's shop near my house and even though I like the clothes, I can't picture ever wearing them because that would require me to change, and to change takes time, and time is precious and it is hard to set time aside to change when you have to do all that other stuff as well.
I can't just start to suddenly wear a new outfit, partly because I don't have the money, but also because I have too many external enforcers that would get in the way.
So there is no leather jacket in my future, no fancy slacks, no expensive shirts.
I am the way I am.
Whether I like it or not.

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