Wednesday, July 20, 2011

No AC, Not ME!

They say that the heat is heading out our way.
It feels like the heat is already here, so I don't know what They are talking about.
I have been feeling like maybe it'd be a good idea to put in the AC unit I bought a while ago and have only used occasionally since it's purchase even when it was way hotter than it currently is.
But lately I'm like, hot night? Pssh, that's what Ambien is for.
Or whatever the generic knockoff is called that I got.
I'm a bit blurry on the details.
Anywho, I was saying how I got this AC a while ago and how I don't use it. There are a couple of reasons for why it's still in storage currently. One reason is that I can't bring myself to get it out of storage when I know that this heat won't last forever and as soon as it breaks, then I will cease to use the AC and it will just sit in the window taking up valuable open window space. Another reason is that I think that it is a waste of energy, both mine and the kind I pay for, to make my room cooler just so I can cover myself with a blanket and get some Zzzz's. Again, THIS is what the Shmambien is for, but without the blanket.
I can't help but picture plugging in the unit, turning it on, and then the entire eastern seaboard is plunged into darkness as I was the straw that broke the power grid's back. And call me crazy, but it feels like maybe since it is summer, we are supposed to just take it easy and try and deal with what nature gives us.
Ideally, as a society we would adapt new rules and regulations to deal with some of these issues. I would much rather that we worked around nature than forcing nature to deal with us. All this artificial climate control is silly and it forces us to just work through the heat instead of napping and drinking cold beers out of the naturally cool cellars that we adopt in the summers... Like the God's intended.
Strangely I don't feel the same way about heating a home as I do about cooling it off.
I think because of growing up with very cold winters that seemed to stretch over the better part of the year, I guess that did something to my "world view". You can always warm up with a sweater or three, and I like layering because it gives me a false appearance of size and this is important for establishing dominance among the herd. A cold night is a treat when you have a warm blanket to roll into. And also if you are lucky enough to be able to sit by a fireplace, well I don't need to explain to you how that is just about the best thing in the world.
But in the hottest days of summer, I can only get so naked before I have to start peeling away layers of skin.
It's gross and uncomfortable.
And yet it is still not enough to make me pull the AC out of the closet and install it in the window.
I suppose this was not the way I felt at the time when I bought the AC.
Obviously I was not in my right mind, and I was heavily pressured by my coworkers that would leave their AC on all day while at work just so that it would be cold when they got home. This was upsetting to no end because honestly, THEY are the reason for blackouts and they are robbing people with an environmental conscience of a cool night's sleep. It's sad because if some people weren't so greedy, we could all benefit the world over.
But whatever, the point is that at the time I bought the thing, I was nesting. The Burger was just a baby and T was still shell shocked from producing the Burger, so I thought it would benefit us all to have a little conditioned air. Plus it was a way for me to get out of work early on account of none of the assholes back at the office were going to question my motives of wanting to provide for my family! At least not to my face anyways.
I remember I was standing in Jay Z's wonderfully chilly apartment, staring out at all the sweaty stacks of pancakes dragging around on the street. A mental image popped into my head of my wife and child uncomfortably, unhappily hot and sweaty, softly weeping... little puffs of dust billowing from their eyes in place of tears, you know on account of all the sweating?
Anyways, I pulled a classic move from the old Kirk Guide to Work... I grabbed a bag of garbage which handily concealed my backpack and I told everyone in the room I was going to "take out the trash" and then I got in the service elevator, placed the garbage bag just outside of it's doors (HA!) and disappeared.
Jigga What!?
Jigga ME!

1 comment:

No dick heads please.