Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What I'm Dealing With.

Not that you asked, but I have things to deal with also.
You are not the only being on the planet, you know.
For one thing I got this little boy screaming demands at me all the time.
We been together a lot this past summer on account of how I been working very little.
I been working very little on account of how I was let go from my job back in May.
I was let go from my job back in May on account of how an expensive painting got wrecked.
An expensive painting got wrecked in what many would call an "accident".
Some might call the painting wrecked, but others might call it "improperly insured".
I think some might call me a "scapegoat".

I'm not sure was worse, the "accident" or the "improper insurance issue".
But it's funny, I had all summer to consider all the angles and I still don't give a shit.
It resulted in one of the best summers of my life.
Am I stressed out about how I suddenly found myself "involuntarily unemployed"?
You bet your ass I am, I think about it all the GD time, but there's definitely been a silver lining, you know? The most shiny part of the cloud being I got to hang out with Burger almost 24-7, which, looking back on my time being a productive member of society, certainly wasn't the case. I missed out on being with him, I mean really spending time with him for over three years. Well shit, that trend could have lasted long enough to make Cat's Cradle actually resonate with me rather than just being a sad song that I imagined applied to all father-son relationships.

This isn't to say that I don't want to be employed, but it's also not to say that watching a 3 year old all the time isn't the same amount of work (if not more) as punching a clock every day. And besides, if it weren't for the case of the improperly insured, accidentally damaged multi million dollar painting, I'd still be punching that fucking clock every morning, but it's like they say "when life gives you something, make something out of whatever life gave you".
Look, I can easily sum up the past three years thusly: Wake up, get dressed, make breakfast and feed the family. Head out into the world for 8+ hours of work (without so much as a good job kiss from my bosses) and then race home to cook dinner, feed the family and put the Burger to bed. Repeat. Repeat again.
So I could see my family in the morning and in the evening, and if it was a late day at work then I would have to wait until the following day to see the people that I was busting my ass for in the first place.
WTF, Right!?

You know how in a movie someone will say they are going to spend some "quality time" with someone? Usually this is some drone in an office, or a really old person that is about to kick a bucket. Well, right now, ALL my time is quality time. And it is giving me a good idea of how I should be spending my time in the future.

I am well aware of the fact that many, many people do this for their whole lives. Working I mean.
But that's not my fault.
And it's not a bad thing at all, I really liked my job. I got nothing against working.
But there are a whole bunch of movies, books and television shows that romanticize the people that spend their whole lives working towards a brass ring only to receive their walking papers and have to head home to face the fact that they spent their time on this Erf working for some A-Hole(s) that never gave a shit about them in the 30+ years they were working in the first place and have to scramble to find something that gives their lives meaning because they overlooked what was right in front of them the whole time...
That is not what I want to do though.

I know that these are hard times. I left for work one day and I returned home part of a grim statistic. Yuck!

But you know what?
It gave me clarity!
And in life clarity is about as important as a 401k that is being spent on an iPad controlled yacht by our corporate overseers.
I just have to be responsible enough to use this clarity to keep doing good for myself and my family. And so far, so good. I am raising my son, morally supporting my Hus through her Nursing education and painting every day as much as physically possible.
My main goal now is to find a "job" that works around my new schedule rather than make a schedule that will fit around my new "job".
I am pretty sure I am resourceful enough to make this a reality.
I wasn't a Lighthouse Student for nothing!
I'm a Walnut for F's sake!
And contrary to popular belief, looking passed the myth, I didn't graduate from those programs based solely on my looks.

I'm OUT!

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