To Be A Dad.

It is of utmost importance to me that I have a solid, open relationship with my son.

I have no other goal in the world, and even if that isn't true, it feels good to have a goal that seems to eclipse all other possible goals in my life. So don't knock it.

I didn't get to grow up really "knowing" my dad. I mean, I knew who he was, and I knew where he lived, and for a while he lived with me, but so many other things that I was too little to understand got in the way of me feeling like I knew who he was as a person.

And looking back, that would have made a big difference... 

Maybe.

But then, did he even know himself?

WHOAHHHH!!! Shyamalan Twist!

Seriously though, he is just a man, just a human being like the rest of us trying to figure it all out.

And sometimes, in the middle of the night, when I am staring at myself in the mirror, illy lit by a bare bulb swinging from it's cord; you know, being truly honest with myself I can tell that the person looking back at me is a total stranger.

Unlike these guys:

The only similarity here is that I too once left a lucrative sheep herding job and handed over my shepherd's crook. Just, without a smile.

I guess the trick is to not worry about it, and if I have a goal of being a part of my son's life, having him know me when he stares deeply into my eyes, then that is a good goal and nothing else matters as far as "son goals" go.

Oh also his safety and health and general well being.

Those things are important as well.

Love you guys.