Friday, September 22, 2006

the hairy watermelon

I was walking the other night and I was talking with elizibeth. I was telling her about how at my two different jobs I deal with a lot of money. I am not bragging about it, but people buy a lot of stuff, and I have to handle all that money. I don’t like it. But that is not what I was talking about, I was saying how usually I am giving the person in line the change from the person before them, and I will give my current customer’s change to the person behind them and so on and so on.
It is like just, paper and metal, but it dictates so many different aspects of our lives. How stupid. I imagine who ever it was that invented money laughing at me all the time. Laughing from a very expensive coffin.
I feel like lots of people want money to get the things that they want, to get themselves some kind of security. But I just want enough money to get out of it all together. I don’t want to live in an expensive house, or drive an expensive car, I just want to be even steven with everyone, and then check out early. Is that an option? I have too much of a conscience to just leave all of my bills paid off, but I swear, once I get them paid off, I am getting the hell out of here.
The other thing is that I have hardly anything to worry about with money, I mean, I know someone that just finished law school and her bills are like, enough to buy a house. I am not even close to that, but it feels like I might as well be sometimes. So, I guess that is the dream, get out as soon as I can, and figure out a way to stay out.
I always wonder what that would be like, to suddenly be free of my financial obligations. In this scenario, the way that I am freed is by the fall of civilization. I wake up and there is some sort of huge technological crash, or a huge natural disaster that knocks us all back to zero. I am walking through the debris of a city, or I am deep in the woods of wisconsin, it changes back and forth. I am hunting, I am building shelters, I am migrating. It sounds scary sometimes, but it also sounds so sweet and tempting. The idea that I don’t have to care about money or some bullshit retail job. I only have to take care of my family and survive.
I would rather work at that. That seems more desirable.
That is what is so exciting to me about this bike trip idea. It feels like a step in that direction. Give myself a month of just needing to get to the next stop, and only be concerned about that goal. And money? What about it? I learned a lot of things throughout the summer, but the most valuable thing I think I was a witness to was watching how money floats through people’s lives. I am not going to worry about money,
I am just happy to be alive.

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