Fred Bear.

You know what is hard to do? It is hard to not care about money when you are surrounded by people your own age blowing it out of their asses. I swear it is making me sick. It is making me wish I were any other species but human. Guess what I saw today? I saw a woman walking two greyhounds and guess what? She had shoes for her dogs. Not just some stupid homemade contraptions like out of duct tape and cardboard but actual name brand shoes for dogs. You know what else I saw? I saw at least four people in the past two days that didn’t HAVE shoes. Not like they just felt like roughing it or anything, I am sure they wanted some shoes, they just didn’t have any. And this probably happens all the time. I can hardly stand it watching this blatant disregard for human beings. It honestly feels like a part of me is dying. The part of me that is polite, the part of me that is compassionate, the part of me that is optimistic. How do people live like this? Pushing and rushing and not smiling or looking other people in the eyes when they need help?
When I say that it makes me wish that I were any other species I don’t mean to say that you would not see such sad things in the animal kingdom, but at least you would not be surprised. I don’t think the rabbit hates the dog for chasing it, it understands that the chase is in the genetic code of the dog just like the escape is in the genetic code of the rabbit. But this shit that you see every day here, jesus, what is this all about?
How can you choose to care about one person and not the other?
When you look at someone sleeping on the street, how can you not imagine yourself in that position? Is it because you have a job and a house or apartment that you can go home to? Is it because you have a loving family that is waiting for you there? Is it because you have a strong base of supportive friends that would step in to help you out if you were in trouble? Well, what if you didn’t have those things? What is those things that keep you operating like a “normal responsible healthy person” systematically fell apart beneath you and suddenly you had none of those things? Would you be strong enough to pick up the pieces? I wonder.
The worst is that I feel like I am just adding to the problem by being here. What am I doing to help? What am I doing to fix it? what is anyone doing to fix anything? Have you seen this new campaign for object that are red? What a joke! What? Suddenly if I wear something that is red I am helping a cause? I am raising awareness for something? Really? Great! Is this something new that no one is aware of? Something that will surely be cured as soon as everyone knows about it? Wait, it’s AIDS? And I have to BUY something red? And when I DO buy something red, only a portion of the proceeds go to kids with AIDS in Africa? And people are supporting this because celebrities told them to? Is that really what it takes to get something done? How pathetic. And how offensive to the people that are staring at the same billboard as me with all of their belongings in a milk crate and a shopping cart with no where to go when it gets cold outside. Never mind that all of the money that goes into an ad campaign like this, all of the fund raising parties and all of the materials being published and produced to raise awareness, ALL of that money is being wasted on just getting this back slapping going in the first place.

….


Well, this is my mind in New York City.
lovematthew