Monday, March 12, 2007

I have a lot of things to ponder.

I had to go to Connecticut recently.
It is a very wealthy place.
I could tell by looking out the window.
You can just tell you know?
Not a lot of litter.
Clean road signs.
Nice cars.
A very quaint Dunkin' Doughnuts.
I just looked around at the evidence.
Then we got to the office complex.
This was where we were delivering a painting.
Do you work in an office?
How do you do that?
This place, oh man it was terrible.

I like the show the office. I like the British version a lot. My mom says she doesn't understand what they are saying, so she likes the American series. I like the American one also, but it is a different kind of show. Either way, I must just have a very inaccurate view of what it is like to work in an office. I have no idea. These shows, they are making fun of the monotony and depressing aspects of office environments right? The petty power plays, the quiet desperation to get out of there, the feeling of life passing you by, the fact that often times the people that go for middle management type jobs are often there for the middle management power and not to actually try and do a good job. I think that is all good and fun to laugh at from the comfort of my own tiny apartment. But to actually work there?
Are you serious?

Tim and I shuddered as we climbed back into the truck.
Tim is a musician and his band just recorded a full length album. I think they are producing it themselves. Tim is so excited, it is the main thing he talks about.
I realized that one of the reasons I like this job so much is that it puts me into close contact with other guys that are chasing their dreams. When I am around these guys it makes me feel like I am not alone. We are all struggling, but we are driven to try and do something different than work in the office.
I don't know, I guess there are so many issues to talk about to try and figure out why things are the way they are and it is very overwhelming to try and think about it all at once.

There has got to be a middle ground right? I mean, maybe there isn't. You do what you are doing and that is how things are right? To get the kind of job that lot's of people have, the office job or the hospital job or the government job, that isn't something you just go and get. I mean, to make it sound that easy is silly. There is school, there is application, there is drive to get those things. I don't have that drive. At least not for that kind of life.

The thing is that while I might be a nervous wreck right now, I worry. I worry a lot! And I don't have a lot of security financially. But I accept that these things, I am used to them, they come with the territory I guess.

Someone asked me one of those questions that is more of a statement rather than an actual question... What they asked was "If I am not going to be Jasper Johns in his lifetime, then what are you doing?" That is a good question. That is a good point.
Bu this is just what I am doing. And I don't have an end in sight.
The only thing I am shooting for is to keep drawing.

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