The magic of number 83.

i can hardly believe that i have posted 83 times in this thing.
that is very admirable.
i know that it is.
you don't have to say anything, i just know already.
what am i doing for dinner? i don't know. i am hungry, but i am also tired and i am not interested in thinking about food.
i would like to order some pre-chewed food please. please?
OH! also, i would like it delivered.
thanks.
are people trying to make things harder than they need to be on purpose?
i bought a self help book.
i didn't know what to think about that for a little bit. i almost bought it on sunday, but then i waited until tuesday to buy it and i think that was the right decision.
now all i DO is help myself, it is great.
i got nothing else.
lovemathew

I don't know.

I don't know.
This is a phrase that I use a lot.
I think I should stop, it is becoming one of those things... I don't know what the name is for it, but it is like saying "Ummm" or "Like" and I have to stop this before I lose control completely.
Like a nervous twitch or something.
I don't know.
I don't know.
The thing is I usually DO know, I just am worried that I don't.
So, next time we are talking and I finish my sentence with "I don't know" you should kick me in the nuts or something.
lovematthew

Eating hair sandwiches.

I was taking a trip in my mind, remembering, and I realized that it has been almost a year since T and I quit our jobs and moved to the Northern Door to live in a tent. That was such a good feeling. Summer means something to me, it is a feeling that I have held on to since grade school. It feels like a time to reward yourself for getting through the winter. Again this is something that would not make as much sense to someone who didn't grow up with harsh winters, but trust me it is an amazing feeling to be able to walk outside your house and not have at least four layers on.
Almost a year ago. I worked at the Egg Burrito place. I looked out at the lake every day. I went swimming before and after work. I got a free burrito. I got to lay out in the sun and make fires and go swimming naked.
I was better friends with Jim. Jim and I haven't talked for almost a year. He only lived five minutes away.
Now he is in Portland which is like, fifteen minutes away or something.
Now I live in New York.
I don't know, maybe your years don't change so much. Maybe they change more and this just sounds silly, but a year ago I thought I had everything under control.
Now look.
But it feels great, and I am excited by the uncertainty of it all.
I have to go buy some paper and yogurt.
be good guys.
lvoemattew

One more time.

THIS one is SUPER old. I drew this back in Racine. I would buy canvas and stretcher frames from my friend Marty who worked at a frame shop. He would give me a huge discount. HUGE! I started to screw them together, I wanted them to be bigger but I didn't have the space. I think I was on to something here, but it would get really messy and at the time I was working out of my friend Jim's basement. There were a lot of these in the basement a couple of years ago and I think they all got trashed. Maybe his sister has them.
Anyways, I don't know how these make me feel, I like them because of how old they are, but I think I feel more comfortable with my drawings than I did back then.
lvoemattehw

A yellow ball.

I drew this picture a long time ago. When I first met T. I lived in my first apartment in Milwaukee! On my own!!
I drew a lot on chipboard, and I always felt like I was somehow wasting my time because I knew that I was working on something that I couldn't frame because I only had enough money to buy the chipboard. I guess I thought that things HAD to be framed.
I had maybe, 10 or 12 of these, and then when we moved up to Door County the first time I tried to throw them all away. I felt like I couldn't keep them. But T wanted to keep them, and so she packed them into her little black car and we put them under her bed. Later on she organized an art show with her friends and she put these drawings into the show. I was really nervous and against the idea on account of how I felt like I was sick of looking at these drawings, but then, once they were up, it looked really nice and I was surprised by people having such a positive reaction.
T's friends really liked them a lot and the next day they bought them all from me. They even bought one that I had given away to someone else, they bought them all and framed them and they are hanging up in their dome.
That was all it took I guess.

Today it is easter. The weather is cold and blustery, and I don't know what all we are going to do.
T sneezed out a big yellow ball on account of she got sick from me being sick. It makes her voice gravelly and I think it is cute.
In classic easter tradition I think I will purchase a pair of shoes to run in.
Otherwise, that is all I got.
lovematthew

boop... beep.

today was a good day. we got done early at work, and that was even with a trip to new jersey!
also it is friday, and that is good right? then i also did our taxes and that is super great because it is done and i can now focus on what that refund money will get me and my lovely wife.
i was thinking maybe a sandwich, one for each of us.
another idea was to get a pair of shoes, but you know, the kind you can share.
either one big one and one dainty one, or else really stretchy ones.
hey do you ever think about god?
do you believe in god?
i think about dying a lot, but i never think about god really.
i think about god when i think about things like being punished or tested.
i think about god sometimes when i am thankful.
i think usually i think about science though.
i am going to go take a shower now.
and i will think about god in there alright?
be good guys.
i love you.
lovemhtwe