Mo' Bucks.

Always timeless.

Small Lamp.

Things are good.
I had a party.
And it was full of people I never knew before I moved here.
I think this is a sign of some sort.
A sign that I am doing the right things.
Some of the right things.

I surprised Mama T with some Thai food the other night.
That felt great to do.
I was sure she would love it, and she did!
She ate it and immediately rolled over and fell into a deep, deep slumber.
I had to drag her up the stairs to her bed.
I swear I did! And she didn't even stir a bit.

I surprised the Burger with a small green, spikey ball.
This was on par with Mama T's surprise Thai food.
He played with a kid's ball of a similar fashion once at the park.
Oh how he screamed when he had to give it back.
And no matter how I tried I could not find one of these balls anywhere.
And then the other day we walked into a store and he saw one immediately
beneath a whole pile of other various toys and made a beeline for it.
I am not sure who was happier.
Me for being able to buy his love, or Him for finally attaining his life goal.
Either way it was nice and we went straight to the park to play.

Now I am all alone in the house.
The family is out, drinking and gambling.
It is raining and I am spending my remaining free time searching for illegitimate children on a social networking site.
I hope you are well and focused.
lovmatehw

The Sad Parade Of Progress.

I was telling Sergio today about how I remember all of my old attempts at progress.
My schemes for betting myself and my life were, looking back, always just... schemes.
They would sound plausible at the time.
And I could even be very excited and determined about them.
What I am trying to say is that even I, Matthew, would believe them.

THAT'S how convincing they were in my brain.

And then, over a very short period they would whither and die.
If I was lucky my medical history would step in and save me.

When I think back, I must have sounded so lost.

Don't get me wrong, I am not ashamed or trying to feel sorry for myself.
When I was telling Sergio, even though I was kind of embarrassed, I was also other things.
I was less lost, more proud, further along and impressed with myself.

I guess the thing that no one told me was that this all takes time.
And as long as you don't screw up too big, you can have a lot of it to figure things out.
It didn't matter that I was floundering about, I was finding my way as I went.
And I was doing it independently of the institutions designed to put you in place like college, full time jobs
the military or prison.

Sure I am seeing how a little bit of focus back then would benefit me immensely now.
But the important thing is that I am seeing it now, as in I am seeing it eventually.
And in the mean time I really worked on myself a lot.
I gave myself my own focus, I taught myself the things I wanted to learn, or I asked someone else to help me.
I have hobbies and interests that I only discovered BECAUSE I wasn't in the institutions.
Although it would have benefited my desire to fire a machine gun and jump out of an airplane had I gone through with the Air Force Debacle of '99.

My point is that I can use my focus for good now.
I can use it to actually better myself and, more importantly, my family.
I mean, look what I have done with it all so far!
I assembled a family!

I guess when I was originally talking with Serg about it, I was imagining my life after High School as
this long and hot, dry and dirty path and every few months you would come across one of my failed schemes, my "plans".

A dried up carcass.
A crude foundation, abandoned.
Burned out bridge.

I am having a party to celebrate my progress on Oct. 24th around 5pm.
Feel free to stop by, I will bake some cookies and there will be drinks.
lovmathew

Yessir.

Guess what I did?
I forgot to call my Mom on her Birthday.
Can you believe this?
What is wrong with me that I do this!?
Was I raised by animals?

I just felt bad about that and I wanted you to know.
But don't worry, I am on it.

Moving on, I have an alright excuse.
I have been really busy.
I have been kicking my ass to take care of getting ready
for a bunch of new ideas.
So, it doesn't make it right about forgetting.
BUT!
It is better than just playing video games and drinking beers.

livebloglive!
lovamhtew

Upper West Side.

How about THAT for a shock to your seasonal system!?
Bro, Dude, I just got back from a rooftop party on the upper west side that had an amazing view of old buildings.
I was overwhelmed in a good way.
Now I am back in Brooklyn, and I feel like I am not the same person that I was in Wisconsin.
I am less than 25% Wisconsin Matthew.
But that number is probably very incorrect due to the amount of free beers consumed.

T put A to bed, and I can hear him talking upstairs right now.
We are waiting for a pizza.
Delivery!
love you guys.
lovamtwhe

Blurry Family Photo.

Do you ever microwave coffee?
This is a trick/habit that I learned from my Wife.
She leaned it from her friends that live in the geodesic dome.
It is not my favorite thing to do, but it is nice when you want some hot coffee in a pinch.

I left work early today, and by early I mean earlier than I normally leave work.
And by work I mean the 8 hour vacuum that is stealing precious time away from my family every day.

I been busy building things, did you know this?
I am getting ready for another open studio at my house.
It is on October 24th, and you are invited.
I may have already sold a piece, and that is good for my self esteem.
It is what David Lynch calls a "green light".
He is a very wise man, and I hope to some day meet him.

I can hear that Axel is awake now, his little feet thundering down the hallway above me.
Oh how he squeals.

It is officially the home stretch, the countdown to bedtime.
After which Truen and I will try to reconnect before we ourselves fall asleep.
I love Axel, but I miss Truen, and it feels like, for now anyways, I have to choose one over the other.
And it really isn't up to me to decide.

But we get to have a babysitter this weekend, and that is good.
Take care.
lovmathew

A Distant Cry.

I don't know, maybe it is just me.
But whenever I want to get something done, I end up having to do something else instead.