Saturday, May 14, 2011
For a while now I have felt like the shadow in the house.
Hovering, Micro Managing, Begging, Pleading.
All of these things, but from the shadows.
In the light I am grinding myself down, I am pushing myself harder than I ever did before.
I am peeling back layers and breaking through walls, and lately I have felt like maybe I got lost in the maze of revelation.
Who am I, and how did I get here?
T-Bone says that ever since I started working in a male centric environment that I have become a different person and I'd have to agree. Lifting crates with a bunch of dudes is way different than baking cakes with a bunch of ladies. I don't know which Me she preferred, but it's too late now because this is how it is.
I have always had a temper, but I used to just internalize it and hope for the situation to correct itself before I gave myself an ulcer.
But the dudes showed me how to get it off your chest and keep moving on, that there are benefits to being snappy or rude even if you sound like an asshole in doing so.
Which is exactly what I sound like to T... an A Hole.
At least that is what she says.
But am I really? I don't know.
I mean, it's a tricky situation because how do you know if YOU are being rude or if the PERSON is just being overly sensitive?
What is the test for that?
There is something to be said for both sides!
All I know is that I have been doing a lot of apologizing and internalizing.
I'll bet the Hulk never questions himself like this.
He just smashes and keeps on moving.