Monday, June 07, 2010

As Quietly As Possibly.

So I been staying home with the BUrger on Mondays and Tuesdays because I thought I was some kind of genius.
Turns out I AM some kind of genius.
The moronic kind of genius, of elephantine proportions.
I thought it made sense to stay home and watch him instead of paying someone to watch him.
But the thing is that we still paid someone to watch him for the other two days that he needed wrangling and guidance.
It just occurred to me last night as I was thinking about nothing in particular.

Boy do I feel stupid.
Although I comfort myself by giving myself credit for figuring it out eventually.
Which is what life is all about right?
I tell Mamma T that when she is laying on the floor hyperventilating about school.
"You are there to learn" I tell her.
"Learning is important, it is the main tool of life."

So anyways, that is what I been up to.
Figuring things out slowly and surely.

T gave me a page from a book to read.
It was by Tennessee Williams and it was about how he failed and failed.
Then he failed some more.
Then he succeeded in a huge way and instantly was swept away from the world of failure and attempts.
And he got so sad about it.

To try! THAT is what we are here for. It makes us most happy and fulfilled by every tiny little success.
You can run around in circles in your brain thinking about "if only I had this or that..." .
But to wake up every day with the chance at pulling yourself just a tad bit higher out of the hole that you live in, THAT is what makes life worth living.
My painter friend Brad is constantly telling me how happy I am.
I don't know if he knows that for sure or if he is just off handedly saying it because he remembers being where I am at right now, but he tells me all the time "You are so happy right now, once you get to where I am, it is all down hill".
That is not a direct quote, but it is pretty close.
And I believe him, I believe Tennessee.

Remember the cabin in my head?
That is where I am always headed.
I get spun around a lot.
And I have to take breaks.
Heaving T over my shoulder, or chasing the Burger into the thicket.
Always appreciatively of course.
But we are on track, we are on the path.
I know this because I have faith, and also all of the people that are older than me tell me so.
And it is so exciting to struggle towards a common goal.

Well, that is all I got for now.
I hope you are well and able appreciate the life you have.

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