Rat Fur and Man Hair.

This guy.

We were walking to the store and he asks me what kind of fur it is lining his hood.

"Let me look, oh I think that is Rat Fur."

"Rat Fur?"

"Yeah. Wait, did you mean the long fur on the outside?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that is 'Man Hair".

"Man Hair!?"

"Yes, they get it from the barbershops."

Then, as if he is really settling into this idea he says

"Rat Fur and Man Hair!" 

He says it as if he is rubbing his hands across a fine leather sofa.

Like a 'guy could really get used to this' kind of tone.

And this is where I start laughing and he starts laughing.

I told him it was all fake fur but he could joke with people about it if he wanted.

As he scootered away he yelled back over his shoulder

"Good one Dad!"

I thought so.

Few Days.

I got me the sick. 

Not an identifiable illness. 

Just a slight, creeping drip. 

Also a worn out feeling. 

I'm fading!

I'm ground up. 

I'm full of apples to no avail. 

It's the season. 

The busy season at work. 

Lots of hustle. 

Lots of waste. 

While the planet continues to bake, 

we pack and ship the pretty things to the wealthy people 

and we feed the garbage to the ocean. 

That is the industry in a nutshell. 

I'm not sure what kind of nut though. 

Probably a salted one. 

The wind is howling outside. 

I like that. 

Probably is like to live on a mountain top. 

Yeah the view is probably spectacular, 

but listen to that wind!!

I've been noticing a trend lately that is scrubby old men wearing Packer jackets. 

Is there a club I've not been invited to join?

We been playing games lately. 

Burger learned to go fish. 

So naturally we all must go fish. 

It's a nice way to unwind the day and get ready for bed. 

Which I'm about to go do. 

I love you guys. 

Call and say hi to the one you miss most. 

Lovemathw

Similar Themes Throughout.

Long Legs.

Good Patterns.

Nice Words.

Free Bird.

And Then This Happened.

Usually people know to talk to me.

Crazy, unhinged people know this. 

They want to sell me some nail paint, 

or they want to bemoan the state of the world, 

sometimes they want to do me physical harm. 

It's probably my fault for acknowledging their existence.

I just can't help it though,

I have to look up,

I make eye contact,

I seal my fate. 

So what happened was Burger and I get on the train for a special trip to the city.

The doors open. 

Wow! A practically empty train greets us... how nice!

But then I sense him and next I hear him. 

"Fuck you with those fancy glasses"

Even though I'm sure he's talking to me, 

I tell myself he can't  be talking to me 

because my glasses are NOT fancy.

They aren't!

So rather than just turn around and wait for another train 

we sit down a ways away from the man 

and I just tell myself that there are some other fancy glasses angering the man.

There must be, because mine are certainly not fancy.

Burger and I watch out the windows while I try to ignore the persistently louder agitated vibes. 

And then we pass the tipping point. 

I say "we" because at this point wether I like it or not, this man is a part of our universe and will be until we can escape the train. 

This is when Burger starts to ask me what this guys problem is. 

He's sick I tell him.

He's angry I tell him.

...I don't know what is wrong with him but he's angry and sick. 

And then in a blur the man is crossing the train towards us. 

He's mad. 

He's yelling about surveillance, and CIA things.

He's yelling at me for teaching my son to hate black people. 

I turn Burger around, away from the man and I tell him not to listen.

Don't listen to the man. 

Just get ready I tell him. 

Then Burger turns around and looks at the man.

Which is something else I told him not to do, on account of how it engages them. 

And then the man reaches out, as if to separate Burger from the ensuing beat down he is ready to hand to me. 

He says 

Your daddy is a bad man. 

Your daddy's teaching you to hate black people. 

Then he says to me, I don't give a fuck, I'm not gonna hurt your boy but I'll kick YOUR fucking ass. 

I'm holding Burger's hand and telling him not to listen, just get ready to get off the train. 

You're daddy's a bad dad!

That does it. 

Burger swings around out of my grip and yells 

"MY DAD IS THE BEST DAD IN THE WORLD!"

He doesn't say this with any fear, he states it like the most absolute truth he knows. 

a.) I am six years old. 

b.) Legos are fucking awesome. 

c.) My Dad is the best Dad. 

And the man goes quiet. 

The train, half full of bystanders unwilling to intervene is quiet. 

Then the man looks at me and I look at him like what can I say!? The Boy has got my back. 

I'd like to say that this broke the tension, or that the train erupts with cheers and whistles, or that in this moment of clarity the man's brain suddenly rights itself and he apologizes and we all go about our day, happy as clams. 

But no. 

Instead, in the shock of the moment the train doors open 

and I say let's go! 

And we eacape, unharmed but a bit rattled. 

Now we are in a different train car, and we are sitting down. 

Deep breaths. 

Burger says he's sorry for talking to that man. 

It's okay I say. 

Then we are quiet. 

Then I say "You really told that guy what's what, you saved the day."

A smile starts to spread across his face and then he giggles 

"Yeah! I yelled at him and protected you!"

I can only stare at him, his beautiful face, 

his brave spirit, 

his bold voice that can silence a crazy world for a few precious seconds...

Then the train doors open

 and we walk out and up the stairs, 

holding hands, 

ready for the shit. 

Birth of The Biter.

This guy.

What happened was...

I was loading a trailer, one of three trailers for the day that were scheduled to leave for Miami Basel which is an art fair that happens every year that I have never attended because it sounds like too much work for too little money and if I do ever go it'll be on my own terms (I don't know what that means) and so the only thing I want to have to do with it is on the loading end which is why yesterday I was freezing my toes off in one of three trailers making walls out of crates and boxes and flat pieces of art when it occurred to me that perhaps what was needed was a boost of morale which is why I volunteered to run to Dunkin Donuts for some big jugs of coffee and also some donuts since everyone seemed very cold and slightly miserable including me and my boss who agreed that my idea was a good one and sent me off to gather the ingredients necessary to help keep people motivated through the long, wet day ahead.

While I was waiting in line at the store I received a message that my son was in trouble at school (gasp!) for biting another little boy on the finger and it was quite serious because the other little boy was bleeding.

So here I am, one minute feeling so pleased with myself for having pushed the coffee run through legislation and then the next minute feeling as though my son is sending me some kind of message that makes me feel the opposite of pleased with myself because obviously what kind of child bites another child hard enough to break the skin but a possibly future super vilain that for obvious reasons would be known as The Biter as he terrorizes the city, challenging all comers to just try and stop him and his villainous chompers?

Honestly, one minute I was up, the next I was lower than low.

My order was ready.

I paid for it and headed back, slower than before, sadder than before.

I asked for a minute alone with the supervisor and explained the situation, I had to leave early to go pick up Burger after school and talk with the teachers and apologize (I guess) for not having... 

What?

Seen the signs?

What signs?

Did I miss something?

Had he been aggressively biting his food at meals? 

Was he especially "gnashy" lately?

I hadn't heard any evil cackling after lights out...

All these things I thought about for the rest of my time in the trailers.

I made it through two of the three and then I had to leave.

While I walked to school, I thought of all the times I got in trouble and I remembered what an awful feeling it was to know I had done something wrong but wouldn't know the full extent of my trouble until I got home and faced my Mom and in the meantime had to finish the day with the weight of the unknown on my shoulders surrounded by the innocent and free and as soon as I locked eyes with Burger in the play yard there was an immediate recognition of these feelings in his eyes and this brought fresh tears.

We walked to a coffee shop where I felt like we could talk and I did my fatherly duties.

The story of why Burger bit the boy is not nearly as deep or scary as my imagination had built it up to be, there was no bad blood or ancient feud. 

It was just kid stuff, which I know how that sounds in today's society with all the terrible things that children are capable of, and I get it, that shit is scary.

But this was not that.

A Bad Guy he is not.

As we walked away from the school it was cold and raining and we passed a groups of giggling little girls "Bye Burger!" they yelled.

-Who were those girls?

Those were just some of my friends.

-Do they know what happened to you today?

Yes, they were in the room when it happened.

-Well they didn't seem too upset about it.

Sometimes we all make mistakes, Dad.

He stole my line.

loveyouguys, don't bite!

The Never Ending Make Believe.

Which Lego guy are you? Because I am the Green Ninja.

You should be the Red Ninja, okay?

...OKAY!?

Say "Come on Green Ninja! The evil snakes are coming!!"

PSHHHHH PPPSHHHH!! 

(Canon noises)

Whoah! What was that?! 

Do you know what that was? That was Blob in that green car!

Which Avenger guy are you now?

Can I be Hawkeye? 

Please?

Can I be Hawkeye please?

I'm Hawkeye, okay? Okay?

Okay, I'm Hawkeye, which Avenger guy are you?

You can be Hulk.

Okay?

I mean I'm Batman instead, okay?

Let's play Justice League instead, okay?

I'm Batman so which Justice League Super Hero are you?

You can be Green Lantern, okay?

"Ha-Ha-Ha"

Whoah! What was that?! Did you hear that?

It sounded like the Joker!

COME ON GREEN LANTERN! LETS GO GET THE JOKER!!

-End scene.

Getting ready for school in the morning.

Heading to the grocery store.

Waiting in life's various lines.

This is basically every single waking moment of our time together.

Most of the time I am into it. I mean, I try to be into it as much as possible.

But holy F'ing S it is exhausting sometimes.

Like, I don't always want to be a superhero on a mission.

Most of the time?

Sure, why not?

I got nothing better to do.

But like, first thing in the morning? 

I can't always do it.

Sorry, no offense.

So when he presses me for an answer

I say "I'm the breakfast cook at the Hall of Justice" 

and then he eyes me suspiciously as he stuffs cereal in his mouth.

Not too shabby for 6 in the morning.

Modern.

That is just one happy family right there.

Ideally I would be building
Lego with burger all the time.

As long as he stops bossing everyone
around about who gets what hair.

 I can't blame him.
We all want to try and control what we can.
Especially hair.

Playing Karate in the Rain.

This is Green Arrow and Aquaman.

More accurately it is a Leprechaun and a Mermaid with the legs of some Ninja Turtles.

Also Green Arrow's arrow is a ski pole.

This is Burger looking of to the Moon for more ingenious Lego inspiration.

The boy doesn't stop until I tag him with a tranquilizer dart.

The Real Hero.

Something I love lately,
besides lots of things,
is Burger's infatuation
with Super Heroes.

I was parked in front of
the Balloon Saloon
and I saw this wire crate.

So I jumped out.
Rearranged.

No one puts baby in the corner.

What Happened Today Was...

A day can start out cool and warm all at once.

The sun is out, there are song birds and the air feels like cold silk.

You can gulp some hot coffee and be off into the day.

Just.

Like.

That.

You can look out the window at all the traffic and pretend like 

you are friends with everyone else on the road.

In a way this is true.

You are all out, together.

Sharing space.

On the surface I am paying attention.

Behind my eyes I am somewhere else.

I am sitting on the floor with my son, watching his tiny fingers make Lego Magic.

Once he was born he became the lens that I view my life through.

Maybe this is a dangerous game, but it's too late for me to stop now.

Here we are playing with toys.

There we are chasing each other across the park.

That is us, holding hands and eating ice cream cones.

Looking further through this lens one can see a whole life unfold.

Therein lies the danger... I guess.

You get lost in the monotony of every day, and you forget that this is all there is.

Only now, this dish I am washing.

Only... now, these teeth I am brushing.

Right now, this book I read.

If I look far enough into this lens:

 I see Burger looking back at me.

He is strong, he is big.

His smile is a million suns.

His arm is a cannon and his spiral is perfect.

He sees me now, lost in my monotony and

 he knows I am doing everything I can.

He gallops towards me and he scoops me up.

 He carries me home and puts me to bed.

And that's all it takes.

Good Job Dad.

"Good job Dad!"

 

That's the name of the sitcom that will be based loosely around my life as told through the eyes of my son as a story he is telling his own son/child/children who happen(s) to be adopted/found and/or...

AN EXTRA TERRESTRIAL!!

Maybe not exactly like that, but you can already tell that it's going to be a winner with a name like #GJD... Which is what the youth will refer to it to when they are hacking brains or whatever they do in the near, grim future.

Anyways, that's what Burger yelled to me.

What I was doing was backing the truck I drive into the warehouse just like I always do for my job only this time Burger got to watch me do this on account of he just happened to be in the area.
In the area, chilling out.
Like all the kids do in Brooklyn.

I was very excited to provide this demonstration as entertainment because I know how much he loves trucks and shit like that even though he'd probably tell you all he likes now is Batman.

And it won't be forever that he'll be impressed by his truck driving dad.
Some day he may resent his truck driving dad and that will be a sad day indeed.

"I can't go out because my fuckin' truck driving dad said I have to learn my numbers... UGH I hate living on mars!"

It's okay, I tell myself I am ready for a day when this may happen.
He will go through a period where he doesn't care about all the sacrifices I made, all the missed soccer games, school plays and trick-or-treats. Not to mention all the long hours spent in the driving simulator practicing to be the first Truck Driver on the great red planet of Mars!!!

Essentially living the dream Ray Bradbury had the courage to dream oh so long ago.

I suppose that's why it was so important that I wow him with my truck driving prowess now.

Keep him in awe for as long as possible.

I love you guys.

Day Of The Cow.

Morning.

Evening.

He was so mad at me this morning that he squeezed that banana...
To death!!

"Don't give me that look, bro."
"Well I'm looking at you like this because I want to wear mittens!"

And so it went, all down the block.

I don't know how much of this back and forth stuck in his brain today.
But for me, today, it was the start of a long list of things I didn't want
to hear yet had to endure.

But it is true what they say about tomorrow being a whole new animal
and I hope to high heaven that it is a much more docile creature.
One with a soft nose, no claws... preferably an herbivore.

I hope tomorrow is a cow.

Go To Sleep And Let Your Bones Grow.

I have a headache.

I need a rest.

A break.

It has been a a long week, and it is only Tuesday.

Good night everybody.

Another Guy.

Today we went to Park Slope.

The park over there is pretty nice.

There's a pond and some trails.

We packed some lunch.

Sammys and Carrots.

We saw the tiniest turtle.

Swimming dogs and people running with kites.

I threw a tennis ball to Burger.

Over and over again.

His memories are still so sharp.

He remembered all the different events and their specific locations.

This makes me happy and sad at the same time.

One time we saw a duck get stuck in a fence.

It was high pressure.

We watched it struggle and quack.

Finally it got free.

Later, after we were home, I talked with my Dad on the phone.

I don't know how it all relates, but it does.

At least I think it does.

The Understandable Bum.

I was looking at all the Mom's at the park today.

I was waiting for them to invite me over into their little group.

You know, to like, talk shit about the kids...

Because that is what it looked like they were doing.

No judgements or anything.

Just calling it like I saw it.

It's how it looked.

Sue me.

I was only at the park on account of I got done a little bit early.

At work I mean, not life.

And so I grabbed the Burger and we stopped at a park.

Why not right?

YOLO and all that.

Only a year ago we were always doing shit like this all the time.
But you know, the world keeps spinning...

So anyways, it was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the remainder of it warming ourselves on the back of a giant turtle in the friscalating sunlight.

It's the Navajo Way.

love you guys.

Rise Of The Blue Beetle

We went for a walk.

To let our dinner settle into our bellies.

The sky was so pretty, it was orange and pink and blue.

You're standard beautiful sunset colors.

Then Burger sees a balloon sans string floating freely.

It was floating lazily, just we like to do.

So it was basically one of us.

Welcomed with open arms!

That balloon is now under his bed, chilling.

He is whispering to it, I don't know what.

I don't want to pry.

But I hear it going on in there.

Tomorrow we go to the Brooklyn Hospital for a minor procedural type of a thing.

That is basically what I said about the last time I went there, 5 years ago.

HA!

That's all I got for now.

I hope you all get a hug.

lovmeahtew

Basically Forever.

Power Bands.

Things happen in a flash.

That is something I have always said.

One minute you are minding your own business.

The next minute you almost chop your arm off.

What happened was that I was closing my truck door, the door to the box.

And I got my arm caught right as the door was slamming down.

Right onto my wrist!!

I thought for sure that I broke my wrist, and this was a "best case scenario".

I really thought I probably had just chopped my hand off at the wrist

and any second the pain would register and I would faint at the sight of a bloody stump.

Squirting blood and bone goo.

Fortunately for me, Burger had long ago slipped some power bracelets onto my arm.

It's true! I watched him do it... kinda.

I was pretty much asleep, but I have a hazy memory....

He really had to work pretty hard at it, 

his tongue was sticking out and everything.

 Because of his hard work I still have my hand.

I truly believe this.

That tiny band of jelly plastic saved me.

It sacrificed itself for the greater good.

(My hand being the greater good in this story.)

So that evening, I was about to put a piece of steak into my mouth

and as I was raising the fork to my mouth I noticed that the yellow power bracelet was broken.

The sight of this broken bracelet almost ruined my appetite for steak.

Almost.

It wasn't until the following morning that I put two and two together

and realized what must have happened.

It's a weird thing how we assign importance to certain items and how we think that 

they might be with us forever. I actually thought I might be buried 

with these bracelets on my wrist.

Who knows? I still have the red one...

 

 

Of The Red Variety.

The days and weeks just turn into one big gummy memory.

Or at least, they have the potential to do so.

This morning on our way to school, Burger and I stopped off for a doughnut.

It is hard to not give in when you see them steaming up the windows.

The place was crowded and we wedged ourselves into two available seats.

The older guy next to me was watching as I tried to wrangle Burger onto the stool.

Every time I'd get him situated he would twist around and scoot off.

Or he would drop his transformer toy, or almost tip over the milk tin.

This went on for what felt like an eternity and right as I was about to start grinding my teeth

the guy taps me on the shoulder and says...

"Appreciate this, it goes by so quickly."

Then he stands up, pays for his doughnut and leaves.

I watched him walk away, my salt and pepper angel, and I turn back to Burger 

who has since shoved half his doughnut into his mouth and is about to choke, crumbs mixed with drool spilling all over the counter, his giant eyes staring up at me, content and trusting.

The stranger was right.

So I took a deep breath and rubbed Burger's hair 

and started the long process of wiping off his face.

Goodnight.

Of Your Own.

A friend gave me a pomegranate.

Two of them actually, but I had to share one of them.
Because you share with friends.

The other one was straight mine.

I ate it today, entirely.

I feel pretty good about my decision.

Another thing I feel good about?

I kept Burger home from school because he was sick.

He said he wasn't, but he was.

And even though I am 99% sure it was from school that he got sick, 

I couldn't send him there.

A part of it was just that I wanted him nearby today.

I don't know why. Just cuz.

Even when he is coughing directly into my eyes.

Or describing his "spicy poops" to me in real time.

Both things that he did today, and both times I just smiled and wished for more.

We went to the pharmacy the other evening to get some tissues.

He wanted me to carry him. 

What am I going to do? Say No?

There may come a day, sooner than I may be ready for 

when I will not physically be able to lift him. 

But my logic is that as long as I keep lifting him on a daily basis

I should be able to carry him well into his teens.

Which I plan on doing.

Note to self: Aim to be physically able to carry a 100+ lb. Burger to the ends of the Earth.

Speaking of...

I was speaking with Gene the Drummer, he lives downstairs.

He melts the paint off the walls with his skills.

He also melts the paint off my brain with conversations about the future of the planet.

The ends of the Earth (full circle)

He was a victim of the flooding.

His drums are fine, don't worry.

But he was talking about the melting ice, the rising waters.

The 20 year forecast is grim Bro.

According to Gene the Drummer.

And science, also science says it's game over.

Which is exactly why I have to be able to carry that much Burger.

Just in case.

I plan on working in shifts.

One carrier, one sleeper.

Right now I am both.