Details Of The Whole

This is a LINK to an article.

You can read it.

I am pretty happy about it.

I mean I have been working towards something.

This article is part of that something.

Part of a whole thing.

I am proud, so sue me.

Few Days.

I got me the sick. 

Not an identifiable illness. 

Just a slight, creeping drip. 

Also a worn out feeling. 

I'm fading!

I'm ground up. 

I'm full of apples to no avail. 

It's the season. 

The busy season at work. 

Lots of hustle. 

Lots of waste. 

While the planet continues to bake, 

we pack and ship the pretty things to the wealthy people 

and we feed the garbage to the ocean. 

That is the industry in a nutshell. 

I'm not sure what kind of nut though. 

Probably a salted one. 

The wind is howling outside. 

I like that. 

Probably is like to live on a mountain top. 

Yeah the view is probably spectacular, 

but listen to that wind!!

I've been noticing a trend lately that is scrubby old men wearing Packer jackets. 

Is there a club I've not been invited to join?

We been playing games lately. 

Burger learned to go fish. 

So naturally we all must go fish. 

It's a nice way to unwind the day and get ready for bed. 

Which I'm about to go do. 

I love you guys. 

Call and say hi to the one you miss most. 

Lovemathw

Will Work For Stars.

I think it is entirely reasonable to expect 

to be able to do one push-up for each year I've been alive. 

This seems like a workable goal. 

I also think that it is entirely reasonable to add a few extras 

for good luck and longevity. 

This is called superstition, but my pecs ain't complaining!

They actually are though 

on account of all the push-ups I've been using them for. 

But it's almost bikini season according to the magazines, and I need to be prepared. 

What do you work for?

What are the things?

Stars? Money? Time?

For me it's a little bit of all of the above. 

For me it's for other people. 

But that's not entirely true,  just sometimes it feels like that. 

But then, not right now, right?

With a cold beer and a hot bath 

and a storm rolling past 

kicking up wind outside.

This is for me. 

And for you. 

We are all for each other and let's leave it at that. 

Maybe you're lucky like me, and you get to spend some quality time in your brain for a few hours ...every other Saturday. 

Maybe that's all it takes sometimes because you appreciate the luck you have. 

The luck of the ability to tap into and explore a creative vein running through the universe. 

The luck of beautiful children to raise and teach and wrestle and love. 

The luck of an understanding partner that stands with you to appreciate the new day. 

The luck of a supportive network of family and friends that give you goals to aim for 

and keep you grounded and focused. 

There is a lot in this world, and we get a tiniest fraction of it if we are lucky in our lives. 

Put Salt In Your Eyes.

Beyond Infinity.

So this is a slideshow of work that I am submitting for a grant review.
I got nominated for a grant is what I am trying to tell you, and it is a big deal for me.
I won't know until September, but in the mean time I am trying to spread the word around.

I got both my ears to the ground.
I got my fingers on the pulse.
I am trying to find the pulse!!!

Dear Gob someone direct me to the pulse!!

I am taking it one day at a time, and this weekend I took photos of all the work.
I actually have photographed these same pieces probably 5 or 6 different times, and each time there was some new obstacle I was not accounting for that would send me into a tailspin of worry and head slapping.
I used the word idiot many times.

It was too light, it was too cold, we painted the back wall and the new photos didn't match the old photos, upstairs and downstairs... everywheres.

But then it all came together beautifully yesterday morning and I have my lovely family to thank for leaving me alone to curse and sweat my way through this mess.

And now it is done.
I will be sure to share the link when the submissions go live on the website.
I feel like this is all pretty strong, cohesive and beautiful, but that's just me.
So wish me luck.

lovamtthew

Mouse in tha House.

Yeah, there is a mouse.
The mouse returns!
Not a helpful rat like Remmy.
A little black shadow that moves in the corner of your eye and makes you feel kind of crazy.
I pulled the stove away from the wall and found a small hole that is where they must be getting in and out through.
I plugged it with wire mesh and tinfoil, a small but effective curse and I finished the whole thing off by dusting my hands off and muttering something like, "Well THAT should hold 'em off for a while."
We shall see what happens next.

lovamtthew

June.

Do me a favor and look at my posts from June.
It can be 2008 OR 2009 because they are equally hilarious to me right now!

I am drunk.
Well, I am tipsy.
I had a glass of wine on a semi empty stomach and I feel GREAT!
Give me a problem and see if I care.
What I mean to say is, give me a problem and I will give you two turds.
Because THAT is how I feel about stuff right now.

Work?
F those guys.
That might be the only job for them, but I am smarter than that and I can figure something else out... if need be.

Life?
Life is great!
What do I have to complain about that I didn't already cover in the "work" section?

Future?
The future does not exist.
It is unwritten and therefore inconsequential, meaning you can't worry about the unknown.

Oh man! I am on a roll, I love you guys and I hope all is well.
I have had a great extended weekend so far and it only stands to get better from here.
I got my buddy Caitlin's Birthday coming up, and a date with T-Dubs in the afternoon tomorrow.

lovamtthew

Action Must Be Taken.

I am in a rut.
I had to call in this tow truck to pull me out of it.
To pull me out of my current rut that I am in.

I was banished from work.
Can you believe that shit?
I had a pretty gross cold last week and tried to call in sick.
Can you believe that they said "No"!?
Well that is what they said and do you know what I did?
I soldiered on, went to work and did a pretty bang up job.
Two late nights, one huge snow storm, and a day full of a shit load of crates.
High Five to myself!

Then this week I got sick again.
This was a stomach type of sick that had me puking all over myself from both ends.
Gross!
So you know what I did?
I called in sick is what I did.
And do you know what they told me to do?
Take the rest of the week off without pay.
I have been banished from the land!

What do I expect?
This would be one of those moments that my Mom may or may not have been talking about when she was encouraging me to go to school to get a more legitimate job. But then again judging from the sounds of her bosses and upper management, it might just be the same across the board.

The thing is that I was very sick, it was a 24 hour type bug, but it bit me hard.
And even though I know it is busy at work, what could I do!?

So here I am at home.
I feel so angry and powerless.
I am sure this is The Universal Force urging me to get a stronger foothold in the job market.
That is to say, I should move on and toss a burning match on my way out.
But I like my job.
You guys know that, I am sure I have mentioned this before somewhere in here before.
But working for such hard headed bullies, man, this shit is for the birds.

I will ask you again, can you believe this shit!?
A grown ass man like myself being bullied around for being sick?
BAH!

The silver lining here would be that I get to spend some rare, quality time with the boy... Just He and I.
And I am working in the garage after a week and a half of being sick.
So these are the good things, and there are many, many more.
I know this.
And it would be silly to let something like this current work debacle get in the way of me being thankful for all of the great things in my life, because in the grand scheme of things this is just a job. A job is all it is, and I am capable of finding a different one if push comes to shove.

I will look back on this soon and laugh.
lovmattehw

The Bottomless Pit.

Green Raisins.

Am I in over my head?
I thought I was not.
But lately I have felt that I am.
Lately as in, two days ago.
I made the mistake of mentioning it to Mama T.
Now it is at the forefront of our conversations.
Our imaginary conversations.
We don't actually speak, we don't have to.
It is one of the benefits of a long term monogamous relationship.
We just stare and blink.
We make our feelings felt.
Felt in the air.
I guess I would say that at our worst of times, T opens her mouth to complain.
She would say I open my mouth to yell.
Silence, complain, yell.
Three options.

Of course, I am just kidding.
There is no silence.

Again, I am just kidding.

I love my family.
I only want to do right by them.
I am old fashioned like that.

Who cares about me, what about you?
You!?
What are you up to?
Do you have faith? If so, in what?
How is your family?
How are your friends?
I made friends here in Brooklyn.
It was a slow process, but it has been worthwhile.

Speaking of work, right now I am especially frustrated with my job.
Normally it is great.
But there is always one person that needs to fuck it up.
For some reason.
It seems to be human nature.
That one person seems to change regularly, it is a brilliant offense.

I am going to go out now to eat some delicious Thai food.
Off to Thailand!!!

lovamtweh

Stuck Bolt.

I was walking with T to the store this morning.
I was feeling slightly sweaty, like I was going to maybe puke.
Or at the very least, sweat.
Anyways, I was thinking about a lot of things that I will now list:
-Building things
-Being responsible
-Nursing school
-Maintaing one's health
-My son's increasing demand for food
-Self sufficience
-Many other things that are beyond my memory by now and floating into the collective conscience, so if you happen to catch them, please let me know.

Anyways, I was mainly thinking about how I have to take care of business.
I have people counting on me.

But it led me to think about all of the people that won't be able to take care of themselves.
I can't be sure, I am no scientist, no statistician, but I think that is a lot of people.
And I am not talking about the elderly, the invalids, the tiny babies.
I am talking about the bulk of my fellow man.
Myself included.
I realized that there is a lot I have to learn if I want to be able to fend for myself when the shit goes down.
Because like I said, I have some people counting on me.
It was this train of thought that led me to believe that I might have to go learn how to be either a nurse, or an EMT.

I know how to cook.
I know the seven steps to square a raw piece of lumber.
I am still pretty good with math and reading.
I can type pretty quickly with a surprisingly small number of typos.
I can fix my bike.
I can build cabinets, tables and other sorts of wooden objects.
I am currently growing beans and squash although the results are a few months away.

But when I hurt myself, I rely too much on other people to help fix me.
But if I were a nurse I could probably diagnose and fix myself.
Or at least walk someone through how to fix me.
I can't be sure yet, but I think that if T doesn't end up doing it, then I should.
For the good of the land.

I have to go back to work tomorrow.
All things considered, it is not as bad as it seems the night before.
I am sure I have mentioned it, but I like my job a lot.
If I have to work, and I do, then this is pretty much as sweet as it gets.

lovamthew

The Friendly Maneuver.

This day of days.

Today was work.
It was extra work.
Extra work for me.

That is another one of my many haikus that I have written.
I am sure there are others.
Help me find them.

I swear that today I was ready to do some vigilante type maneuvers at work.
I was preparing to take matters into my own hands.
I worked with a dude that just seemed to get every single thing wrong today.

I stood in the cold rain.
I stood in the wind.
I cut my hand and was bleeding everywhere.
I hung three framed photographs perfectly.
I lifted and moved three separate crates.
Those crates were very heavy.

And I felt like I did all of these things wearing a jacket stuffed with bricks because of my "co-worker".

There were several times that I considered ditching him.
"HENRY!"
"PUNCH IT!"

And Henry probably would have.
Because he is a good co-worker.
And some things go unspoken between men.

Anyways.
I hope you are well.
I am doing alright.
lvoamthwe

Black Metal Caveman.

THE ETERNAL FLAME THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER DARKNESS HATH NO BEGINNING, HATH NO END!

Thank you Garth.
lvoamtehw

Pick up your ticket.

Tomorrow I go back to work.
The holidays are over, so what else am I supposed to do?
I do what has to be done.
There are some things I am looking forward to about it though.

I got a new water bottle.
I get to ride my bike.
I have a new jacket to wear so that I will be warm when I ride.
Also I am looking forward to the busyness that will follow.
The routines will come back and that will be nice.

I got to see The Wrestler Man.
What did you think about it?
T liked is a lot.
I liked it alright, but it was hard to imagine being alone like the wrestler man was alone.
What a bummer, right!?

Well, I been busy in my head, so hopefully that counts for something.
Take care,
lvomathwe