Middle of the Road.

What is up you guys?

I mean, what is up with you guys?

I wonder, I don't worry...

But I wonder.

It is a very hot, still heat here in the boat.

Just try not to breathe too much and you'll be fine.

 If you feel the need to sweat, that is okay.

In the meantime.

For now.

I got a sunburn.

This, coupled with my recent seasonal allergies has me worried about the future.

Big surprise, right?

But for real, if the sun is burning a Navajo, that is bad news.

It might be there is no more ozone layer.

It might be that the sun is just targeting the Anglo part of me.

But that doesn't explain my allergies.

Those are still a mystery.

Like Bigfoot.

You know I aim for symmetry and shape, right?

I like to build a pattern.

Jim, you know that guy?

He likes patterns.

He gets it.

Oh Jim, I think of him constantly.

I was driving the truck yesterday

and I started to laugh so hard about 

a thing he said... ready?

I said that eating a bagel was the equivalent of eating a loaf of bread.

Then he says "I just ate a loaf of bagels. Should I be worried?"

I had to pull over and laugh the tears away.

A real gem that guy is.

Good night.

Lift With Your Heart.

Today was one of those days, like the old days where you just can't seem to tackle the mountain of work in front of you and you spend a lot of time looking around at the grandeur of the space in which you are currently packing it's contents for transport to some different place that is probably more grand than the current occupancy in which you are spending precious moments that you will never get back no matter how hard you wish and no matter how hard you work because just looking around you know that these people made different life choices earlier on in their lives that resulted in a whole shit load of responsibility you never wanted and are thankful you don't have because really this is just one big carrot leading to nowhere special and besides, the only people that have this many art books are the people that can't make art for themselves... And this is what you talk about as you drive over the bridge, back to your tiny apartment where everything makes sense to you and you feel like you can actually 

breathe.

Finally.

Don't Worry.

 I mean, I get it.

I understand how one could question one's existence.

On this planet.

In this moment.

... I get it.

The thing is that when you lay back and let the 

sun warm your eyelids nothing seems like it matters.

And in the best possible way.

It is so easy to question 

why things are the way that they are

or whom the things are that they are with.

But when all is said and done

I truly believe that Nature will 

wipe us all away and the things

that we thought mattered most

will be nothing but fossils 

for future species to marvel at.

Call me crazy.

But hug 'em if you got 'em

I love you guys.

Rise Of The Blue Beetle

We went for a walk.

To let our dinner settle into our bellies.

The sky was so pretty, it was orange and pink and blue.

You're standard beautiful sunset colors.

Then Burger sees a balloon sans string floating freely.

It was floating lazily, just we like to do.

So it was basically one of us.

Welcomed with open arms!

That balloon is now under his bed, chilling.

He is whispering to it, I don't know what.

I don't want to pry.

But I hear it going on in there.

Tomorrow we go to the Brooklyn Hospital for a minor procedural type of a thing.

That is basically what I said about the last time I went there, 5 years ago.

HA!

That's all I got for now.

I hope you all get a hug.

lovmeahtew

Sugar Buzz

Sometimes I wish.

Then I remember that wishing is lazy.

Being lazy goes against one of my main principles of life which is to not be lazy.

Because nothing good comes out of being lazy.

It doesn't mean you can't give yourself a break, or take a nap or whatever...

But if there is something that needs to be done, then you need to do it to your best ability.

Otherwise it can come back to bite you in the ass and it's your own fault.

Sorry bro, but it's the truth.

 Wish is fun, but it is lazy.

Most of the time what you are wishing for is either a waste of time, or else it's within your ability to achieve or attain or acquire whatever it is you are wasting your time wishing for.

If that's the case, then you are being lazy.

What you are wishing for is for someone else to do the work for you.

Don't be lazy bro! Just roll up your sleeves and get some shit done.

You'll feel better for it.

It's not like things just magically happen.

Unless you are at a magic show.

For future reference, magic is not lazy.

It's magical.

 

Three Dads.

There is no time.

No time to sit around.

The time we have is for doing, not thinking!

We can think later.

That is the general consensus on this side of the world anyways.

The snow is only around for what seems like a second.

There is no worry, just pure unbridled excitement 

released in a burst, sprinting down the ice packed hill.

Sure I could have tried to stop him.

But history is full of people trying to control the forces of nature.

It gets us nowhere, that is what I think anyways.

 

The New Project

So this is the idea. 
This is a different approach.
If you've been a fan of the blog, please help spread the word.
And I thank you in advance.

Scenes From the Week.

You're Welcome.

Try Harder.

I don't know about you, but there used to be a time when you could call someone, on the phone I mean, and they wouldn't know who it was that was calling them and yet they would still pick up the phone and most likely not be scared to do so because it was just how you did things like that.

I miss that, but it could just be from currently watching Reality Bites.

I'll tell you this though, this movie is killing me right now.

And then just when I think that it couldn't get any worse here comes that Lisa Loeb song.

Shit, I am a goner.

Nothing left to do but shovel pumpkin pie into my mouth.

Mentally prepare myself to return to Brooklyn.

Continue to pick up the Pieces.

One by one.

Early Morning Guardians.

Yesterday:

I waited in the car for about an hour.

Just reading and chatting.

Ahead of me there was a long line of cars because everyone is in need of gas.

Gas for their cars and stuff.

There is no heat in the building, because of there being no gas.

No fuel for the fuel trucks.

I can't complain about the heat loss though.

There was no life loss.

Which is what everyone always says.

Driving home after, I talked with my Mom.

Now it is real. Now this is how it is.

But only really for now.

Things were very quiet last night.

The cold makes everything sharp and bright.

Today:

After a fitful night I woke up and looked out the window at the line of cars coming off the bridge.

I don't know what to do. 

I am frozen by thoughts and also frozen by the temperature.

I want to conserve the gas in the car.

I want to use the gas in the car to drive somewhere else.

I want to stay in bed all day and stare at the ceiling.

I settle instead on getting up, making eggs and toast with tea to drink.

It is a beautiful day outside, I am going to ask around the building to see if anyone needs anything.

Besides heat I mean.

Also I have to get some apples up in here.

I am suffering from apple deficiency.

Withering away...

Smell you later.

lvomathew

Take Five.

I'm sitting here at the house, it is quiet, the Boy is in bed and it is raining outside.

I am alone, which is nothing new as of late and recently.

I'm talking physically, not spiritually or whatever.

I am alone in my head.

Taking stock.

Wondering.

I was in a building today, an old institutional one with that kind of floor that you see in old schools and government buildings. Google image search is failing me right now, but it looks like a million pebbles flattened into a base of resin, and then polished to a high gloss. You know what I mean.

Close your eyes and picture first grade, and what the floor looked like. 

That.

Anyways, it wasn't so much how the floor looked, but how it smelled.

It took me right back to a particularly pleasant job I had as a janitor at a hospital.

One of my favorite times to have that job was when we would close off a hallway and re wax the floors.

First we would wipe it down with a chemical stripper, and then scrape it off with a large floor buffer.

We would do this at least twice, to make sure we got all the old wax up and off the floor.

Next we would rinse the floor a few times, allowing about 5 minutes between each rinse so the floor could dry.

Then came the new wax, and this stuff had such a great smell, I mean, as far as chemicals that you probably shouldn't drink are concerned, this stuff smelled delicious! And this would go on with at least four coats with a drying time of about 15 minutes between each coat. 

By the time we were done doing this, the shift was over and the floor was like a sheet of oiled glass.

It was beautiful.

The stripped down linoleum was so dry and cracked and flat, but with the wax, SHAPOW! 

Brand new floor.

Today in this building I got a whiff of that wax and it almost made me cry.

It took me right back to a different life, in a different place... a different me.

I had to bolt from the building.

I didn't even grab any of those free NYC condoms that they are always trying to give out.

No time!

Must. Run. From. Past.

And now what? This is a time for pondering. What have I got to say for myself?

Fresh, new me.

What's up with that guy?

Lot's of stuff that'd make your head spin.

That's what.

lovmatewh

Shark Police.

Life size Brooklyn birds.
Living for today!
Lying graffiti/

The Saddest Miracle.

Today, down at the East River Park a baby seal climbed out of the river practically in front of my eyes. It was obviously a big deal for everyone involved, and soon park rangers arrived on the scene to whisk us all away while they decided what to do.
I didn't get to see what happened to the seal.
It was about the same size as Burger so naturally I just wanted to pick it up and put it back in the water.
I would've hugged it first.
The whole thing was very magical, it might as well have been a unicorn as far as I was concerned.

Flounder.

Dudes.
Last summer was so different.
I don't know why this is so hard to deal with.
Move on, right?
Nothing to see here.

You know what? I got me a nickname.
I didn't ask for it but what happened was one day, a long time ago now, I came into the office to put the paper work in the basket and this dude Carlos comes up behind me and says to everyone that I need a nickname. He says this like he had been thinking about it for a while. So he says that he is giving me the nickname of Flounder.
Flounder.
And G D it, that F'ing nickname stuck.
It still sticks.
To this day.
You can't ever call me that nickname.
Unless you live in Brooklyn.

What is nice about it is that it is an instant identifier about who the person is that is calling me Flounder. I know, immediately, that the person knows who I am and I know how they know who I am, and this is amazing to me because I never thought I was going to stick it out here in Brooklyn anyways.

But look how it all paid off in the end!

Well anyways, it is very endearing and I appreciate it more than I let on.

So the lesson here is that if you find ourself in a foreign land, you better hope no one gives you an endearing nickname because that means you are going to have to live there for a long time to soak it all up.

P.S. I love this tag. I see it around, but this one was especially perfect, in my opinion.

As Quietly As Possibly.

So I been staying home with the BUrger on Mondays and Tuesdays because I thought I was some kind of genius.
Turns out I AM some kind of genius.
The moronic kind of genius, of elephantine proportions.
I thought it made sense to stay home and watch him instead of paying someone to watch him.
But the thing is that we still paid someone to watch him for the other two days that he needed wrangling and guidance.
It just occurred to me last night as I was thinking about nothing in particular.

Boy do I feel stupid.
Although I comfort myself by giving myself credit for figuring it out eventually.
Which is what life is all about right?
I tell Mamma T that when she is laying on the floor hyperventilating about school.
"You are there to learn" I tell her.
"Learning is important, it is the main tool of life."

So anyways, that is what I been up to.
Figuring things out slowly and surely.

T gave me a page from a book to read.
It was by Tennessee Williams and it was about how he failed and failed.
Then he failed some more.
Then he succeeded in a huge way and instantly was swept away from the world of failure and attempts.
And he got so sad about it.

To try! THAT is what we are here for. It makes us most happy and fulfilled by every tiny little success.
You can run around in circles in your brain thinking about "if only I had this or that..." .
But to wake up every day with the chance at pulling yourself just a tad bit higher out of the hole that you live in, THAT is what makes life worth living.
My painter friend Brad is constantly telling me how happy I am.
I don't know if he knows that for sure or if he is just off handedly saying it because he remembers being where I am at right now, but he tells me all the time "You are so happy right now, once you get to where I am, it is all down hill".
That is not a direct quote, but it is pretty close.
And I believe him, I believe Tennessee.

Remember the cabin in my head?
That is where I am always headed.
I get spun around a lot.
And I have to take breaks.
Heaving T over my shoulder, or chasing the Burger into the thicket.
Always appreciatively of course.
But we are on track, we are on the path.
I know this because I have faith, and also all of the people that are older than me tell me so.
And it is so exciting to struggle towards a common goal.

Well, that is all I got for now.
I hope you are well and able appreciate the life you have.
lovmatthew

For Whom The Belt Told.

Have you ever lost sight of your child?
So far I have not had this happen to me, and I am thankful for that.
I know that eventually the 'Burg will escape my attention.
Fortunately for me I even if I closed my eyes I would still not lose track of him since he seems to be enthusiastically screaming from the second his eyes snap open every morning until the second I have to physically shut them for him in the evening.

I suppose if I had to describe the scariest thing to happen so far it would have to be this-



Here I go trying to be nice and get the guy a snack and as soon as I look in the back pack he is scrambling away down the rocks and across the grass, hurtling several large downed branches and leaping onto a passing streets weeper.

The thing that was most awesome about this was that he almost missed the 'Sweeper and kind of dangled for a second or two.
Holding on by only one hand!
I am pretty sure there were sparks.
I was like, WHOAHHHHH!
You know, like in a movie.

lovmahtew

New York can suck it!

I am only sort of kidding about that, just sometimes can New York suck it.
You might hate it a lot for a while, but then you see something that makes you feel alright.
Like this graffiti that I saw yesterday.
It is on Morgan Ave, near the lunch truck.
How great!

But then there are the things like Truen's Medicaid BS.
Or the occasional unhelpful or rude person.
The people speeding through a yellow light.
The cars blasting Spanish music right at your baby's face.
Clouds of exhaust when you are riding your bike.

I guess it is all big city stuff in general.
That stuff can get me down pretty quick.

But then you see something like a cock and balls, two boobs and a vagina/butthole combo that just makes your day.

3 day weekend dammit!
I hope you and yours are well.

lvoamtewh

Also, I have a longer post about divorce, but that has to wait.

I love Santos.

SO-rry about how these photos come out all big.
I been trying to fix that.
I just have not been trying too hard.

You like that hat?
Aaron sent that to the boy.
I think that is pretty sweet.

I am going to go with the dude to get some food.
Food to cook for when mom gets home from work.

I have to put him in the celebrity stroller though
and although I like it more than carrying him, he really would rather be carried.
But when I carry him, he bounces so much that he barfs.
GROSS!
SO I am going to push him around, and he can just deal.

I hope you are well.
I love santa.
locamathwe