First Five Seconds.

Wake up, look outside, still the line for gas.
It feels like a movie, not a funny one either.
Lay back down and close my eyes, not my ears.

Listen.

The sound of artificial wind, and a tiny snore.

Think.

Get out of the cocoon to use the facilities?
Stay where I am and ignore my bladder.
Watch the skies for rain clouds.
Imagine warm wet grass beneath my feet.
Pretend I am listening to a live jazz ensemble.
Not the radio, but France instead.
Consider green tea instead of coffee.
Despite knowing that I am going with coffee.
Don't forget to work on yourself today.

Maintenance.

Check that gas line again: yup, still there.
Move things with my brain, in my brain.
This goes here, that goes here also.

Compartmentalize.

That would be a show I might watch.
The Compartmentalizer.
Well, not me, but someone. You.
Maybe.
What do I do with the royalties?
Save it I guess, that is what you are supposed to do.

Plan.

Decide to leave the cocoon.
Brush my teeth while I am up.
Check the windows, it looks like a good one out there.
I appreciate this clarinet solo.
I'm digging this.
It's touching on a very certain nerve in my brain.

Enjoy.

Get up, get dressed, get Burger dressed.
Cereal, coffee, apples and coffee.
I knew it.

Go team!

Let Me Ask You Something?

Today was strange and beautiful.

Cold, Sunny, Bright and Long.

I made coffee early and I walked to the store with my mug.

Just took my mug and my time getting there.

Got some onions and chicken.

Went home, filled the crockpot.

I was trying very hard not to be distracted by the smell I would come home to.

But it was harder than I thought.

I could smell it all day, it was an exciting smell.

I told Burger early on, I said:

You better be ready to smell something delicious!

We stopped off in Bushwick on our way home.

I miss it over there, but Greenpoint is nice also.

And who really gives a shit right now?

You are where you are.

But there is a bar over there that has Vegan Empanadas and NFL Ticket.

It was fun! We got our own room to watch the Packers, all to ourselves!

We screamed and pumped our fists and jumped on the tables.

(That is why you shouldn't eat anything off of those tables.)

AA-RON ROD-GERS, CLAP! CLAP!! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!!!

Then we headed home.

Past our buds, and a beautiful park.

And when I opened the door to the Apartment...

I go:

HEEEYY, how does it smell?

And Burger turns to me and goes:

It DOES smell delicious! 

Small victories like that keep me going. 

It's enough to fill my tiny gas can for the next couple days.

love you guys.

The Rope. The Cord.

As per usual, I am still doing pretty awesome considering the world falling down around me as I speak.

That line of cars is still outside, and it looks like some people just gave up and left.

Either that, or they were rapturized and took their clothes with them.

Which seems like cheating to me, or pure laziness.

But I don't know anything about that stuff, so never you mind.

All I can do right now is to ramp it up.

Ramp it all up.

Like today for example, I went to the roof and lowered an anchored rope down to my window, 

I then tied the end of that rope to an extension cord which I used to plug in my random orbital sander

in order to sand a piece of plywood that has been bugging me for about a couple of months now.

Don't you get it!? Don't you see?

I am a highly functioning animal over here!!

Like one of those seals that honks a horn, or a lion that mauls it's trainer.

Things are always looking up.

Except for dogs, they can't look up.

Early Morning Guardians.

Yesterday:

I waited in the car for about an hour.

Just reading and chatting.

Ahead of me there was a long line of cars because everyone is in need of gas.

Gas for their cars and stuff.

There is no heat in the building, because of there being no gas.

No fuel for the fuel trucks.

I can't complain about the heat loss though.

There was no life loss.

Which is what everyone always says.

Driving home after, I talked with my Mom.

Now it is real. Now this is how it is.

But only really for now.

Things were very quiet last night.

The cold makes everything sharp and bright.

Today:

After a fitful night I woke up and looked out the window at the line of cars coming off the bridge.

I don't know what to do. 

I am frozen by thoughts and also frozen by the temperature.

I want to conserve the gas in the car.

I want to use the gas in the car to drive somewhere else.

I want to stay in bed all day and stare at the ceiling.

I settle instead on getting up, making eggs and toast with tea to drink.

It is a beautiful day outside, I am going to ask around the building to see if anyone needs anything.

Besides heat I mean.

Also I have to get some apples up in here.

I am suffering from apple deficiency.

Withering away...

Smell you later.

lvomathew

Braced.

Here I am after a very pleasant day holed up in the Boat, winds whipping outside, the building is actually shaking. The rain hasn't really hit yet, I mean, it's raining, but not like a downpour. Yet.
So I am eating a piece of chocolate.
A little piece of chocolate.
There was a lot of eating today.
Stress eating, as well as eating all of the perishables in the fridge.
I just bought that mayonnaise, I'll be damned if I'm throwing it out!
Other things I ate in a ravenous state over the sink were:
My feelings.
My worry.
My dreams.

HA! Just kidding, my dreams always have tasted terrible.
It's a defensive mechanism to keep me from actually ever eating them.
Just in case the straights become so dire.
I may starve, but at least I still got my dreams!!

Burger had a cold and so we spent the day watching movies.
Every once in a while I would break away to listen to the radio, sip coffee and watch the storm unfold outside.

I remember one time, I was very little, and my Mom and I were stuck in a storm while camping. The tent fell down around us and when I woke up we were in the car with the rain and wind pummeling the car. I fell back asleep and in the morning, I woke up and we had breakfast and drove home.
I don't remember being that scared even though I remember being in the tent as my Mom was screaming for me to wake up.
I guess everything was still so new, I had no idea that that wasn't something to be scared of.
I don't know.
But now, being able to put myself in my Mom's shoes at that point, I feel like I want to puke.
And I am 99% sure it isn't the jar of mayonnaise.
It is the fear of the situation, rushing back to me from 30 years ago.
Frantically fighting the elements to try and save someone you love.
Ugh, what a terrible feeling.
I'd rather eat two jars of mayonnaise.

But hopefully it won't come to that this evening.
I got my flashlights, I got a roll of Ritz Crackers, and for good measure I am packing our "go bag" as soon as I say good night.
Good Night.
loveyouguys.

Ruuuun Foooor The Hillllssss!

Keep calm.

Don't worry.

Storm's Coming.

Seek Elevation.

Stay calm.

Relief on the Radio.

Calmer times. It's been a month since I had this doughnut. Oh how I enjoyed this doughnut.
This was when I still had an appetite. Oh what an appetite. A month later, my appetite is returning, and the doughnuts still find their way into my life. Keep your eye on the doughnut.
I just put tape up on the windows, of course I had moved all of my blue tape to the studio, so all I had to make due with was Green Bay Packer duct tape.
Well, better than nothing I suppose.

Other things that I got to prepare?
-Water
-Candles
-Crackers
-Bread
-Apples
-Bananas
-Gatorade
-Batteries for flashlights
-Canned goods

Things that I wonder about?
Will the car be alright?
Can we watch movies without power?
Why did I never buy a nice pair of rain boots
Where are places I'd rather be right now?

Oh my.

So, we will see what happens. It may be a while before I talk to y'all again.
Until then, don't worry about it.
Everything is going to be okay.
Everything is going to be okay.