Early Morning Guardians.

Yesterday:

I waited in the car for about an hour.

Just reading and chatting.

Ahead of me there was a long line of cars because everyone is in need of gas.

Gas for their cars and stuff.

There is no heat in the building, because of there being no gas.

No fuel for the fuel trucks.

I can't complain about the heat loss though.

There was no life loss.

Which is what everyone always says.

Driving home after, I talked with my Mom.

Now it is real. Now this is how it is.

But only really for now.

Things were very quiet last night.

The cold makes everything sharp and bright.

Today:

After a fitful night I woke up and looked out the window at the line of cars coming off the bridge.

I don't know what to do. 

I am frozen by thoughts and also frozen by the temperature.

I want to conserve the gas in the car.

I want to use the gas in the car to drive somewhere else.

I want to stay in bed all day and stare at the ceiling.

I settle instead on getting up, making eggs and toast with tea to drink.

It is a beautiful day outside, I am going to ask around the building to see if anyone needs anything.

Besides heat I mean.

Also I have to get some apples up in here.

I am suffering from apple deficiency.

Withering away...

Smell you later.

lvomathew

Do Not Despair.

Things can be as simple as a favorite chair, or an awesome costume.

The life you have is always, and always will be, in flux.

It is up to you to find and surround yourself with the things that keep you steady.

There are safe harbors everywhere in life, so make yourself a map.

Follow that map, and toss an anchor in the storm.

Wait it out, and sail on.

You don't get time back, but that doesn't mean you aren't as free as a bird.

When That Is Done.

I have what appear to be, a lot of mountains around me.

What I am saying is that I feel very much like I am in a valley of some sort.

Surrounded by mountains, and I am supposed to climb up each mountain.

That's a lot of up and down, it's good for the legs and all that.

But so exhausting just to even look at, that it makes me kind of just want to take a nap instead.

A nap?! Not on my watch.

Not anymore.
Anyways, so I been trying to climb these mountains and it is disheartening because it seems like with each little step I take, there is suddenly a setback, like I forgot somethings at base camp and now down I go, back to the beginning only to start all over again.
Only not really because now that I know the way back to where I was, somehow it has become a little easier.
Plus, what I have been realizing is that once I am up on the mountain, or down in the shit, nothing really looks that hard to tackle, or organize.
Things seem easier than they did when I was busy wasting time wishing for a nap.
Know what I mean?

I know you know what I am talking about since this is the main point I feel like I am trying to make whenever I open my mouth lately.

So all these mountains right?
Well, it's strength conditioning.
It toughens the spirit and gets you ready for the real shit to start.
Whatever that might be.

I don't mean to bore y'all, but you know, when I got something that I am chewing on mentally, it sort of is all I can think about.
But I learned a trick to be more present minded.
And it works.
Maybe sometime I will teach it to you.
But not now.
Just google it and find your own trick, not to sound like a jerk, but they are all so different, it is kind of like you gotta find the ones that work for you.
The individual.

I do suggest finding a nice bench in a park where there are leaves blowing around and lots of air traffic.
It doesn't seem quiet and calm, but it is.
It's a start anyways.

TGIF Bro.

lvomatewh