Meanwhile...

Sickness has been traveling through the home.

Sore throats, sneezes and the ever present cough.

I'd like to say that I am immune to all this because it

would make my day to day business that much easier

to tackle, but I'd be lying if I said this.

Instead we must power through with the sore throats

and savor the moments when we can sleep

for a few uninterrupted hours.

Today was a bit different though, my weekend was 

bookended by two days off in which I worked harder

than I do at my day job. 

I mean to tell you I was blazing through my checklists,

knocking chores out left and right.

And it feels so good to be doing the things like this.

To be adding the order back into the mix.

It helps you see straight.

It soothes the soul.

For real.

Baby Rock Monster.

Abstraction, abstraction, abstraction. 

I don't know what it means exactly. 

Maybe I should look it up. 

Or maybe not. 

Maybe I know more than I think I do. 

It's happened before. 

I surprise myself

With what I know. 

I think of abstraction as a way to view the world. 

You got your squares, and they see the world a certain way. 

The way they want it to be and how they want us to see it. 

Then you break it apart and put it back together and... 

Boom! 

Abstraction!!

Oooh, that pisses off the squares something fierce. 

Until it's a painting they can brag about to their pals. 

Then it's not so bad for them. 

Abstraction I mean. 

But again, who even knows 

what that word means anymore?

Not me.

I didn't go to school. 

And when I did, I didn't pay attention. 

Obviously. 

If you just focus for a little while on what's going on, 

you're already one step ahead of most of them. 

This new baby, he really does something to me. 

With the Burger I was so concerned about everything, 

because it's easy to get wrapped up in something 

when it's your first time doing something. 

But the second time around, well it's easier. 

The noise and the movements, the far away stares. 

It's all a familiar role for me, which I am told is a saving grace. 

I tell myself that. 

On a daily basis. 

I took a blink and Burger is 6!!

I took a blink and Killroy is 2 weeks!!

It's only a matter of time and he's walking and wrestling and chasing me down. 

It's not so much a second chance, 

because for some reason that sounds like I missed something the first time around. 

No, it's just another opportunity, 

with a cautious reminder to take things slow

 and remember that there is this now,

 this breath, 

this night walk, 

this far away stare, 

this hand holding yours while you move 

willingly into the unknown with a smile on your face 

and the content snores of those you love, 

lulling you into tomorrow. 

Good night. 

Lovematthew

Day Of The Cow.

Morning.

Evening.

He was so mad at me this morning that he squeezed that banana...
To death!!

"Don't give me that look, bro."
"Well I'm looking at you like this because I want to wear mittens!"

And so it went, all down the block.

I don't know how much of this back and forth stuck in his brain today.
But for me, today, it was the start of a long list of things I didn't want
to hear yet had to endure.

But it is true what they say about tomorrow being a whole new animal
and I hope to high heaven that it is a much more docile creature.
One with a soft nose, no claws... preferably an herbivore.

I hope tomorrow is a cow.

Don't Worry.

 I mean, I get it.

I understand how one could question one's existence.

On this planet.

In this moment.

... I get it.

The thing is that when you lay back and let the 

sun warm your eyelids nothing seems like it matters.

And in the best possible way.

It is so easy to question 

why things are the way that they are

or whom the things are that they are with.

But when all is said and done

I truly believe that Nature will 

wipe us all away and the things

that we thought mattered most

will be nothing but fossils 

for future species to marvel at.

Call me crazy.

But hug 'em if you got 'em

I love you guys.

Letting the Days Go By.

Shit does not get me down.

It might seem like it does sometimes.

But let me say this again:

Shit does not get me down.

I have a history of putting myself out there.

You know what?

It gets easier and easier every single time.

Sometimes you try something and Life kicks you in the nuts.

This can happen right away.

This can happen after (almost) 12 years!!

Is this any reason to hold back the next time?

F. No!!

You spend some time plotting and planning and then what you do is:

You walk up and kick Life in the nuts.

Then you take Life's sandwich and throw it on the ground.

Because you know what?

Life is what you make of it.

Don't ever let Life forget that shit.

Happy Fucking New Year.

You Only Get One.

Have you ever had an opportunity to meet one of your Heros or Idols?
Me neither, but I did get to meet this one guy once and I really was into the art he made.
He was what you might call a "successful artist".
I was in this big group show over in Williamsburg, and all of a sudden there he was.
Down from his castle on the mountain, or where ever he was living.
And so after a while I worked up the courage to go talk with him.
I mean, he's older than me, and I respect that you know?
When people are older than me?
They've been around longer, duh.
And so I stood there and listened to him be a total cranky grouch to this young woman.
And then when it was my turn I was like:
-Hey.
and:
-I want you to come look at my work.

Guess what?
He did.
And then he was a total cranky grouch to me too.
And I loved ever single second of it.
Not because of the wisdom he was imparting, because I don't know that I totally agreed with what he was saying, but that was just it, here I was thinking that he was this wise old sage full of deep thoughts.
Turns out he was just this dude that kind of got lucky and rode the wave.
Just like most of the other people that become successful in this life.

Him: How often do you get to work?
Me: As often as I can, I mean, I have a family at home and I...
Him interrupting: SO! I had a family too, but I knew I had to work! So I left.
Me: Well yeah, but there's got to be a middle ground, no?
Him: NO! It's code!
Me: Code? Like, an artist's code... to leave?
Him: No, not code, like code, like code blooded!
Me: Oh, cold. I see. But I don't want to leave my family.
Him: ... Well. That's your problem.

It's easy to sit and spout like you know when you got yours already.
Of course the only way to get to the top is to be a code blooded dude that cuts and leaves.
I like to believe that, had he not made that life choice and still found his success, his advice would have been something more like:

Love your family, the people around you, support each other and appreciate each other and eat dinners together and laugh and be happy. Be happy with what you have and don't fuck it up. Success will come in different forms and along hidden avenues, so just be on the look out, but never lose sight of your family.

That isn't what he said though.
But it is what I would say.
Some day, if some punk kid tries to crack my brain for some life advice.
I will tell them exactly what I wish the grouch had said to me.

And you know, there is no judgement in his advice, he was just being honest.
But it felt so wrong in my ears, I knew that the only reason that life had put us together on the street that night was to solidify my own views and advice to myself.

That advice rings even more true recently with my current life changes taking place.
As parts of my life were sort of crumbling down as I was trying to hold them up, I just listened to my heart and took my own advice. It doesn't mean that anyone else has to take it, but I wonder about this a lot lately: If I hadn't got the chance to speak with this man that night, and heard his sad advice for success, I might not know what I had and what was really important to me. It might have made it easy for me to just walk away as well and let it all fall apart.
Everyone for themselves.

So even when the advice is not what you want at the time, it doesn't mean that it is worthless.
Again, patience is key.
Like I've always said.

Some of us have it.
Some of us wish.

Sweet Nectar of Life!!

Moving forward, please let me supply you with a few ideas to make your life easier, or tastier, or "lifeier" because that is really what I am here for, to help you, the casual blog reader. I want to provide the spice of life to thee.

So...

Next time you are in the pharmacy, or grocery store, buy yourself a candy bar or two. Buy some candy, and put it in the pocket of a coat you don't wear that often. Don't have a frivolous coat collection? Not a problem. Try a vest, windbreaker or pair of snow pants. Then do your best to forget about this candy because once you do, you got yourself a real surprise waiting for you the next time you get those snow pants on. Whooboy, you will really appreciate your past self looking out for you like that. Thanks... Me.

And...

Another thing I like to do is reward myself for doing exercise with a cookie. I know this sounds counterproductive, but for me it just goes to fuel a cycle of exercise. Crunches and pushups, then a cookie, and then I know I have to do some more crunches or pushups not only to reward myself, but to prod myself into the next round of exercises. See?! It's genius!!

Lastly...

Don't be stupid. I know that might sound mean, but it isn't meant to be. Just, you know, don't be stupid, because it is easy to do. I often find myself going down a road in my brain and I'll be fairly far along this road, sweating the details, worrying about the unknown, projecting scenarios and I'll have to slam on the brakes and remind myself: Don't be stupid. So much energy can be saved if you just remind yourself to not be stupid, give yourself a break and quit being stupid already. Give yourself credit for being smart enough to make it this far, maneuvering around life's obstacles like a clumsy pro. An easy test I came up with to tell if I am being stupid or not is to ask myself "Could, or would a Stupid Person do this?" Whatever the answer is, my answer to myself is always the same: Don't be stupid.
Then I have a good, short laugh and carry on.

I don't know if these tips will help you out at all.
It's not really up to me to save the Universe.
But if I can help out one person at a time, then I can rest easy.
Even if I only helped someone secretly stash some candy into an underused rain slicker.
Even then.

Hand. Book.

So yeah, "They don't really make a handbook for how to do these types of things". That is what I have heard recently from a couple people, and I have to admit that this is true. 

They do not do this.

I don't remember getting some kind of "handbook" explaining how to handle all of life's ups and downs and difficult situations.

I just remember learning from and listening to the people that raised me and cared enough to teach me how to be a decent upstanding citizen of Earth.

(Now refer to the above photo, thanks.)

I mean, it's no "handbook", but it ended up working out pretty well for me.

Maybe that's just me.

"They don't really make a handbook for how to do these types of things" 

But what the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Is that an excuse?! Because if it is, that is such a pathetic excuse.

At this point in my life, I have had enough of my own experiences (good and bad) to know how to handle many different things, that's what paying attention gets you. 

And it doesn't matter what the issue is, it doesn't matter the situation because I feel like you can distill many of these things down to certain categories.

Categories like:

-nice and not nice

-good and bad

-right and wrong

You don't need a handbook to tell you how to be a nice person.

You shouldn't need to whip out a dog eared notebook to tell you how to be a good person.

If you do, then please, get as far away from me as possible because that is scary, sad and you are broken.

Don't poison the well!!

Right and wrong? Welllll, I think there can be some grey areas there depending on the situation.

"Yes officer, I did shoot that guy, but he was turning into a werewolf, so, you know..."

I'll let that one slide, for now.

I mean, give me a break with this whole "How does life even work" stuff.

I'll save you the trouble of pondering further and say that life works better when you can be a responsible grown up when it counts.

Again, maybe that's just me, but that's how I feel about the whole thing.

Onward and upward, 

lovmathwe

The Fern That Yearn.

So, in hindsight, does everything seem good or bad when you look back? I suppose it is like they say, it's in the eye of the person that is looking back whilst moving forward. Personally I choose to look at things with a positive attitude because what's the point of being negative, amirightoramiright?!
Up top!
That one's mine.
But whatever.
That's not the point.
That's not what I am hear to talk about to y'all.
I wanna know what you do when one day you look at your life and you see things one way, and then, just like that, you are suddenly seeing things in such a different light that you have to wonder "was it all just a dream? were my eyes half closed? or half open?"
Were my eyes even around?
Where were these so called eyes, and why weren't they doing their jobs?

Let's talk about blame.
As in, you can't blame a guy for trying.
You can't blame a guy for believin'.
Especially if that guy is a Journey Fan.
And let's not use the word blame, let's instead just talk about accountability.
But you know how they say that if you are in a car accident you are still like, kind of to blame? Like, some kind of percent, just for being there.
Look bro, I was there, I admit it.
So just give me the ticket and let me get back on the road.
I can't be hanging around waiting for this crap....
I got places to get to, you know?

We both do.

Try Harder, Even In The Pits.

I don't know where to start or where to begin.

But I will tell you one thing and that is that I have got to try harder.

It's time to try harder. That is what I told myself.

I have to try harder because I can.

This is not a slight on myself, it is just that sometimes you wake up and realize that you have been coasting for far too long on your good looks and sense of style, and it's time to pick up the pace a little bit.

Whatever you are doing, anything that you do, you get to a spot a lot of the time where you get comfortable, and that can be good, nice even. But it's like a pitstop, take your break and then get back on the track.

Because there is still SOOO much track.

And hopefully you have the tools and sense to keep moving.

Don't get too comfortable.

That is this week's motto.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do or think.

But somehow I was raised to appreciate the proactive.

And that is just one of my many life tools that I am thankful for.

I got a bunch of tools, and a big ass tool box to put them in.

So chew on that!

Pat On The Back.

So you work hard?

Well, congratulations!

Now quit looking for everyone's approval and get back to work!!

That is what happens when you take over responsibility, or direction of a project, anytime you work hard at something, you run the risk of becoming the "hardest" worker, and when that happens people start to let you be that worker and you alone.

Pretty soon you are looking around, waiting for the others to pick up the slack but it is too late.

You did it to yourself, bro.

But all hope is not lost!

There is always time to get people back up and running, and honestly, if you got yourself into this situation, you can get yourself out of it. It just takes (you guessed it) more work.

Just catch that last, final, carrot.

Come on!!

Stick those teeth out 1/16" more....

Almost...

Therrrre.....

Bum Tan.

I think I sweat out all my problems and worries while I am sleeping. I grind them between my teeth, or what is left of them, and do some sleepy time karate to bust them apart like so many cheap pine boards. It could also just be the temperature and humidity that is causing these patterns in my sleep. Like I said before, I am no scientist.

If you want to give yourself a lesson in overcoming frustration try building yourself a cabinet with twisted, warped wood and really try and make it square. The thing is, you can't! You can not pull the entire thing square unless you want it to end up being more screws than wood. Once you have attempted this, and you are sitting on your paint can, sweat and sawdust collecting on your eyeballs this is when you console yourself by realizing what you were really supposed to learn was not a lesson in frustration, but a lesson in letting things be what they is and to quit trying to be such a control freak. Good job, you! Now go get yourself a frosty cold one at the Abbey.
You know they got free sandwiches for Friday Happy Hour!?
Sa-Weet!

Path Builders Unite!

It is so easy to accept the idea that the world existed before as it does now, just like it does now. Does that make sense? Like, you are looking around and you just kind of think to yourself "Yep, this is how it always was, give or take a few people and buildings and probably a whole lot more wildlife" But this isn't true. You know that, we all know that because there is history and photographic evidence to convince us otherwise. The thing that I have been realizing lately, over the last two months or so, is that I was taking for granted all the people that paved the road for us. Even the bad people that paved it for their own gain, some good seems to come out of almost everything somehow which naturally leads me to question the existence of good and evil in the first place, but that is a different blob.
Because good and evil are just words... right?
Moving on, It occurred to me as I was eating some food that I didn't grow that my world, the one I live my life in, exists because of the hard work of so many people before me that saw opportunity and utilized or exploited it to fit around their ideas... to push us all forward. This is something that I suppose has been pretty interesting to me for a while, but I just never really dedicated my brain powers to get down to the "why".
What I discovered is that the "why" isn't the real kicker in the first place! What really flipped my wig was realizing that ANYONE can be a paver. Anyone can lay the bricks for future generations, and in fact that is what we are all doing anyways, even if we aren't trying to, or don't even want to in the first place.
The best part is that you can sort of decide, whenever you feel like it, to put down paths to positivity... or negativity but I don't think it is a good use of time to build paths towards negativity since those paths are much easier to build and really what is the point unless you are just building them to teach others the importance of positivity...?
What this means to me is that you first recognize your potential in whatever field or areas that interest you and then you realize that you are in control of the path you lay. In my perfect vision of the world, we all do this for the greater good and help each other out by being resources for other path builders... Does this sound like I am trying to convince you to join my cult yet? I hope so!.. We have ca-ake!

I am just typing this out as it pours out of my brain, so for a lack of better terminology, I have to resort to the simplest descriptions possible. Okay?

Path Builders Forward!

I like when I see that people are ambitious, I like to see people that have ideas and make them into realities rather than just settle for an ambitious idea. People that get shit done, give yourself a hand. No offense to the people that don't, because this is a safe place of support and resource, this is my way of extending a path. The fact is that there are a lot of people that don't even HAVE ideas. So the fact that you have ideas, even if they only stay ideas, is huge. But the people that make things happen, those are people that always inspire me and make me examine my own situation.
This is healthy and it is important, I think, to surround yourself with people like this because it is almost a sure fire way to kick your own ass into gear. And let's be honest, only YOU can kick your own ass. Take a second here and give it a try. Now congratulate yourself for trying something new.

The opposite of this would be anyone that doesn't want you, or anyone else to actually follow through with what you know in your heart you were meant to do!! They don't want to try nothing new unless it is prepackaged and prepared for them. Stay away from these people. I don't mean like, shun them, but it is way too easy to get caught up in their problems, and really, you can't help everybody. Think of the masses that would benefit from your awesome idea, and then think about this one sad sack trying to keep you and your ideas down. You decide which is a better path here.

I've been lucky so far because people have believed in me. At some point I decided that they were believing in me for a reason, and then at this point I started to just believe in myself. I still accept compliments and applause, but the point is to stand on your own feet. Learning to accept that I believed in myself was probably the single greatest accomplishment of my life, besides perfecting my 380˚ slam dunk which, I am no scientist, but it looks to me like that's 20˚ more than you need.
And so, although I can't help everyone be an aerial gymnast like myself, I can give you this little piece of advice: Start believing in yourself and your ideas and think positively. It takes a little getting used to, but just watch at how your quality of life changes once you try believing in yourself.
We owe it to the world to be the best we can be while we be... Unless you happen to be the best at hunting whales, Fracking, spreading hate, Mencia impressions, chopping down the Earth's lungs, poisoning my coffee, giving out needless parking tickets, littering in front of my son, exposing yourself on the train, or ruining a good buzz from some ice cold beer.
In those cases it is best that you rethink your path.

Patience.

You have to be patient.
You want things to go at the speed in which you want them to happen but let me ask you this: What makes you so special?
I don't know if it is just the customizable culture that we live in that teaches us to want what we want how we want it and when, or maybe it is just our internal clocks kicking in telling us that we have to move quickly before our chance disappears and we are old, alone and dying without having accomplished anything "significant".
Whatever it is that fuels impatience, it has to be ignored.
If it's not, then you start to skip steps, you get sloppy and your work suffers.
Then, someone else passes you in the line and you get mad and distracted by rage.

I think that it is hard enough to focus on your project.
So many distractions now, and people succeeding at an ever faster rate all around you certainly doesn't help.
You have to just keep your head down, and focus on your ideas and soldier on...

A note about those people that move ahead of you, no one is saying that they followed the rules either, maybe they get ahead, but they skipped crucial steps early on. Now they are successful, but their product is crap and falling apart constantly and they have the stress of having to fix it with lots of eyes on them. If you work slowly and patiently, you will pass these people along the side of the road and you'll be glad to not be them.

There is no guarantee that any of this works.
But it is the mindset that I have chosen to apply to my own personal artistic goals.
It has to be as good as anything else out there.

This is what I tell myself CONSTANTLY in my head.
This is also what I tell T, whenever she asks.

Get Back On The Horse.

Life Advice I would impart to someone that asked for it would be this:
Do not stop doing what you enjoy doing.
Even when you doubt yourself, especially when you doubt yourself.
Give yourself a break once in a while, but make sure you kick your ass into gear when that break is over.
I have been very lucky to have so far been met with mostly positive feedback with my interests.
So maybe it is easier that way.
Only recently did I have someone finally call me out on some of my perceived skills, and it was not as bad as it could have been.
The reason for this is because I had plenty of positive feedback to fall back on and allow me to say "well, it's not for everyone I guess."
So I would impart that little bit of wisdom also.
What you do is not going to be for everyone.
And if you find even a couple of people that like what you are doing, then consider that a huge success.
Build off of that success.
Keep going.
Stop taking a break and get back on the horse.
It is so easy to let fear cripple your efforts.
And it only hurts you.

Wind the Frog!

Ooohh, look at the seasonal image!

Actually this is one of the many places we looked at renting recently since we kind of decided that living in fear is for the birds.
I know it looks a little small in the photo, but really once you get inside it is not so bad, I mean, you have to use your imagination a bit but I am fairly confident that we can make it work.

You know, this city living is not for everyone.
Sure it works for the millions upon millions of people that do it everyday of their lives, but that doesn't mean that it works for us all. And something that I realized recently is that my "wive" and I had gotten a little soft the past year or so. We forgot how if you let your guard down, this place will kick the shit out of your teeth and leave you laying in a pile of someone else's shitty teeth.
Gross?
Of course it is, but it is the number one thing you need to know about living here.
Never let your guard down.
It sounds exhausting, but you get used to it after a while as long as you remember to do it.
And we were in a situation that really let us get soft and comfy.
We thought we were in the clear, and really we were just in the eye of the tornado or something, the calm in the middle of the storm outside.
Luckily we have been able to have a bit of warning about how close we are to getting tossed back into the thick of it, and for this I am grateful.
In preparation I have been revisiting my older posts to find out how I coped with this the first time.
Unfortunately they are only very hilarious, and not very helpful.

What I have discovered though is that I am not nearly as scared as I was when I first got here.
I have muscle memory of the brain I guess, and I am able to use this to calm myself down when I am hyperventilating, or forgetting to breathe altogether.

You know when you are working really hard, and you take a break to swallow a sandwich whole without chewing? You know how you get that sleepy feeling when you stand up and usually unmotivated to do much else because of the sandwich that I just mentioned?
That is where I am at in my life right now.

I got a big sandwich in my belly and I want to take a really long nap, and instead what I have to do is a million other things to prepare for the storm.