Tuesday, March 27, 2012

State of Affairs.

Today I was arguing with Burger.
I mean like, that's what we did for the day's activities.

When he is yelling at me to do something, making one of his many demands I look at him in the eyes and see myself reflected back at me.
So I have no one to blame but myself.
It's nothing personal.

He's a product of his environment.
Not society.

I often catch myself reacting to him like he is my little brother and not my son.
So I end up engaging him in his silly "provocations".
A typical morning starts thusly...

It is 7 am, I am pouring us each a bowl of cereal and he starts in with a question like "What's a goat?" and it pretty much devolves from there. The train tracks I assemble are not round enough, or the Lego tower is not tall enough.
I assume he sees potential in me or else he would have moved on by now.
But he sticks with me and every day has some new way of reminding me that I need to just try that much harder, I have to grow that much more to keep up with him.

The other day I went to get him out of bed, and it was still very dark and he couldn't tell who was in his room with him so he is going "who is that, who is that?" and I put my face down in front of his and he is touching my face and rubbing the stubble on my chin and then he goes " is that you dad?"
I like this because he is still not positive that it is me.
Even with the stubble he is still leaving the door open to the possibility that it's Mamma-T.

It's little things like that that bring me back down off the edge and give me some perspective.
I'm in the good shit here.

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No dick heads please.