The shift of focus.

How do you know when you have hit a wall?
When you are at the end of your rope?
Sometimes I think about this, in the truck.
Or at the airport.
Or in a billionaire's penthouse.

There must be gradual speeds and distances to these walls.
I think that there must be many different lengths of rope.

The article that my partner for life recommended I read said that you need to try and shift the focus.
When there is a problem, you shift the focus to a different view of the problem, or situation, and it helps you cool off and deal with the life that you chose to live.
So I try and do this now.
I think like the Modern Samurai, and I try to clearly see how to demolish my opponent.

From a stance that is more difficult, I remove the umbrella in a way that is clearly a miracle in nature.

Tomorrow I have to take the Baby Watson to the Dentist to assess the situation.
I think things will be alright, but I still have to go through the process.
In order to accomplish my goal, it will be a day of rewards.

The point is that I will be cooking the food for a long, long time.
I have to shift my focus in order to deal with this cold hard fact.

lovamhtwe

Oh sure. Yeah. No.

The Burger stood up in the tub.
Then the Burger slipped.
And THEN, the Burger chipped a tooth.
A little tiny chip.
And he cried and cried.
Oh how he cried.

I felt like the worst possible person.
Even though it was an accident that could happen to maybe anyone.
Even you.

Well, I must help put the laundry away.
And then Floss.
Then sleep.

I hope you are well.
lovanthew

Trying to sleep.

My friend Justin is in town visiting from Portland.
I know him from Wisconsin.
We were talking tonight about the impending crisis.
You know the one?
The event that open's people's eyes and unites humanity?

I think that we agreed that we are all fucked.
Our best hope is to be able to make it last another 30 years and hope that our kids can fix it.
Which I guess isn't that bad, as long as we are teaching our kids what to work on.

But how is it fair to expect anything from anyone but ourselves?

Like a Salmon, slowly flopping through the desert.

Did you know that I am going to go to Arizona?
It is true! I am going to see my Dad.
I am really excited about this trip.
I am not excited about the plane ride, but unless you have a better way to get there
then you should shut your mouth.
Besides, it is too late to change anything now since I already got the tickets.

But you know how I said how I am so excited?
Well, there are some people around here that are not excited.
Or at least, that is the impression I get when I overhear their conversations.

But I told them I said "Eat my shorts!".
Then I said the thing about it being too late because we already got our tickets and shit.
So zip it!!

I am going to bake in the sun.
I am going to hike, and fire a rifle.
There will be fires and food.
There will probably not be swimming, but who cares?
It is not the Indian Way.
At least, it is not the Arizona Indian Way.

You know, I live with this sort of weird feeling about my Indian side.
I don't know if it is guilt, I think it is a little bit of that.
But also just a hole that exists.
I try to fill the hole, but it seems too vast and deep for anything that I can do on my own.
It is one of the main reasons I draw and paint, and for
the most part that is the best I can do, and it usually helps a lot.

But when I am near my Dad, when I am on his turf, I feel different.
I feel like I am doing a thing that feels like the right thing to do.
Like a big piece of the puzzle.

The Reservation.
I didn't even grow up there.
I was mainly just born there.
I don't know my way around.
I don't speak the language.
I only really think about it.
That is about all that it exists as to me.
As a thought.

But when I think about going there, I get really excited.
How can it be that a place where I have spent hardly any time could have such a pull?
And what is it that is pulling me?
The Universal Force?
The thought of a dying language?

I will do some research while I am there, and I will report back what I find.

lomatewh

Mule in the road.

Oh man.
What a world.
I mean, what a world.

Man, me and the old lady been buttin' heads.

We are two separate gears trying to work in conjunction of one another.
But lately the teeth ratio has been wrong.
Or there are teeth missing.

We're both like having different views on shit.
But normally we have similar views on shit.
But not lately.

Do you believe that change is possible?
The things that you think you would change about yourself, could you change them?

I am a builder.
I approach problems with the building mind set.

I have a lust for life.

How is your meditating going?

lovmahtew

Little Brother.

Nathan showed up this morning at 5:45 AM.
What a trooper.
He was in it for the long haul.
He is like a teamster, without the callouses or surliness.

He and my Mom did Truen and I a total solid.

lovmathwe

Charming the cock off of a horse.

Ya'll know Mark?
I am sure I have mentioned him before.
In fact, I did.
The post had a title.
The title was The Five People You Play in Heaven.

He is such a weird dude that I met and still sort of know.
He is like that kid who flew away in Radio Flyer.
The boy in the wagon.

He is the one that taught me the phrase, "Charming the cock off of a horse."

He came from the shadows.
His brother is a knight in Oklahoma.

Every time I hear from him he is somewhere else.

I will probably run into him during the apocalypse.
Pushing his cart.

lvoamhw

China Town Diesel.

Look at this guy!
What is he thinking yelling like this!?

He is not playing drums with me yet.

He does not know the proper way to square a piece of raw lumber.
The seven steps you do it in.

I was thinking just now that I have yet to lose my shit on him
I have not yelled at him.
At least, he has not understood that I am upset with him.
Yet.

I wonder what that will be like?
Looking at this picture, it is very hard for me to imagine.
But I am pretty sure that it is a main life occurrence.
To get yelled at by your parents.

I was thinking about it in the truck today.
I was thinking that I should look at it as a way to help him understand how to cope with life.
Or at least cope with getting yelled at.

I think that I will try my best to raise him to cope.
THAT, my friends, is something they don't teach you in school.

But I wouldn't know since I didn't ever go to school.

lvoamthwe

Shine. Shine.

What a blustery day!
I am happy to not be at work today.
It is a good day to be home.
That is what I am trying to say.

Something is slowly cooking.
It smells amazing.

Alone at last.

Yo, Check it out!
Mama-T went to see her friends and I am home alone!
The Boy is asleep.
I am practically alone in a quiet house.
It feels wrong.
I can feel the walls closing in around on top of me.
But tomorrow I am going to do some shit.
I am going to make some Tacos.
Tacos gonna taste so good!
loveamthwe

Spreading Water.

Drawing is a weird thing to do.
I don't know what I expect to happen.
It is always a surprise.

The thing that I forget sometimes is that I live in an area that is saturated with artists.
But when I lived in Milwaukee this was not the case.

Anyways, I have been pretty happy with myself for sticking with it.
I mean through the move and all.

Did you know that I have been away from WIsconsin for almost three years?
I am 11 days away from my 2 year anniversary at my job.
That is the longest consecutive employment in my life since I graduated from high school.

You know, I don't know if I did the right things, but I am pretty happy with the results so far.

I mean, who really gives a shit?
I think that there is something refreshing and sobering about the state of affairs right now.
I think they want to spin it into fear.

Fears that you should have.

And I just don't see it that way.

Nothing is permanent.

You are powerless against the universe.

This is what I tell myself when I think about money.

Quickly name the most recently deceased, wealthiest person.

I am a man of science.

I will be an old man of science.

I am here, for now, and I am happy.

I love you.

F what you heard.

I am not sure what happened.
There was a delicious smell in the air.
There was, what appeared to be, a delicious pan in the oven.
From here on out it gets a bit hazy.

I think I may have handled this poorly.
I think I may need to right this situation.

THAT, my friends, is where the ice cream comes in.

I miss you guys.
What happened?

lovamthew