The belief that things might be alright.

If there was nothing to lose, what would be the point?

I don't know what you read when you look on the internet.
Maybe it is celebrity stuff, or political stuff, or shopping stuff, or pornographic stuff...
I guess I read a lot of all that stuff.
But another thing I read is conspiracy stuff.
I guess it is left wing conspiracy stuff, but even then, I am not sure if that is the proper category.

Conspiracy stuff is interesting to me regardless of the politics behind it.
I am indiscriminate like that.

And I have been reading a lot of these conspiracies lately.
I don't know if they are conspiracy anymore.
I don't know that anyone knows the truth, and I don't think that it matters.

What good does the truth do us?
Does it change anything?
I am not so sure.
I want to believe that it does.
But I think I only want to believe that for my son's sake.

Do people want to know the truth?
I don't think so.
I think that the truth takes time to sink in.
Time creates distance from the events, and that allows for responsibility to be cast away.
After a certain amount of time has passed, only then do people
look back and say
"Wow, that was fucked up, I can't believe I believed that, and fuck those old bastards for forcing that bullshit down my throat!"
Like Christopher Columbus, the treatment of America's indigenous people, the Kennedy assassination, or 9/11.

I feel sad for the state of affairs that we are in right now.
I have read that the dollar is dead, and that everyone in the world knows that right now...
That we are being deceived into thinking that there is hope...
It is best to start stockpiling food and water, because things look grim for us and there is no help in sight.

These things that I read, they scare me.
And maybe they are right.

But fuck this.
It seems like no matter where you look, you are scared.
If the bailout doesn't pass, you should be scared.
If the bailout DOES pass, you should be scared.
It doesn't matter what you heard, you should be scared.

Like there is only fear and apathy.
You are either scared, or you are indifferent.

What about being angry?
What about that?

The people in charge, they have protected themselves.
They can declare martial law, and they have the soldiers to let it happen.
Look it up, the government brought back troops specifically for this "catastrophe".
But it doesn't matter.
The long term effects...
Because no matter what, we are all still just people.

Do I care if the fat cats are taken care of?
No.
DO I care if the dollar is worthless?
In the long term, no.

What I am trying to say is that no matter how bad things get,
and no matter how much they rub it in our faces that these oil men and war profiteers and CEO's are immune from the law,
they are not immune from cancer, or tuberculosis, or a car accident or a gas leak.
They could fall down some stairs, or get an infected splinter, or have an aneurysm or heart failure...
All these people that think they can buy their way out of anything
while the rest of us struggle, they will die like the humans that they are
and in the end, who will give a shit?

I am only a speck, as we all are.

The outlook is scary, but the reality that we create is our own.
It might take some time.
But we can probably do better than this, and perhaps it is going to take a completer break down
of the system as we know it in order to see that.

Who knows?
Like I said, I am no economist.

lovmthew

PS, Truen made the art in the photo. She is very talented.

North Americans.

Is this bailout selling our country to our country?
Are we going to be a Fascist State?
Will we then, after we bomb Iran turn America, Canada and Mexico into one big country and use the "Amero" as currency?

I read that we need to contact our congress people and demand that impeachment proceedings
begin for Bush.
I read that this is possibly our only hope, since after this bill is passed we will no longer have any rights.

This all makes me want to be back near my family.
How would that stop what is in motion though?
It would be like freezing to death.

lovematthew

Like a breeze in a jug.

Do you know what a booger tastes like?
When was the last time you tasted that taste of a booger?
In the past month I have seen several people picking their nose and eating their boogers.
How can someone be eating boogers and driving a Mercedes at the same time?

Have you ever sucked a booger out of someone's nose?

I totally sucked a booger out of this dude's nose.
He asked me to!!!
With telepathy!!

What could I do?
It had to be done.

It is the Navajo way.
Or at least, that is what I am told.

Anyways, it was not too bad.
It is kind of funny because the noise that the suction makes in the nostril not being sucked on
actually sounds really nice.
Like a breeze in a jug.

This is some kind of weird love, some kind of emotion that I have never felt.
I thought I was in it.
And I am in it, but I am still not very close to it yet.
I still treat it like a new fragile gift that is very heavy and burns my hands.

It is like a baby star made out of crystal.

So far things are still going well, and I am thankful every time I think of his boogers in my mouth.
lovemahtew

I am now the only one.

There are helicopters flying into Pakistan?

Gee, I wonder what they will find there?

Are you scared?
I am scared.
But they make you scared right?
The guvver-mint makes us scared on purpose.
How long is this bullshit going to go on?

The economy, the war, the "terror".

What is going to come of these helicopters flying into Pakistan?

Theories?

Any color you would like.

Truen ordered some books.
I noticed this when I went to make myself a bowl of cereal for my after work snack.
She tried to hide them beneath the box of cereal.
So I said "Hey Truen, did your books come in the mail today?"
She said "Yes... How did you know?"
I told her that she picked a bad hiding place.
I told her that I didn't want to toot my own horn, but I am a pretty good deducer.
I was raised by the best detective in the world.
Even better than Batman.
My Mom!
If you don't believe me, try hiding something from her.
She will catch you.
Guaranteed.
lvoemathew

Chunks.

A Letter for Kate.

Dear Kate,
A while ago you posted a comment about the boxes and drawings I made.
I have no way of contacting you though, so if you would please email me about them, that would be great.
lovematthew

A Blog for my Dudes.

Dudes!
My dudes!
What is going on in your lives that you are excited about?
Do you have anything like that?
I have lots of things, but it is hard to pick just one.
And I am not trying to brag, I am just telling it like it is.

Do you have any fears?
This one dude was like "you got to get rid of your fears"
and I was all like "gee, thanks Mr. Fight Club"...

Fears exist.
But the people that exploit those fears for power and money should be ashamed of themselves.

lovematthew

Lemon Ginger.

There are these cookies that I like that are Ginger Cookies with Lemon Frosting.
They are, I think, my favorite.
I like them more than Oreos, and I think that I like them more than Chips Ahoy!
I think these are the best.

Dude, you got to give yourself some time.
I mean, you got to take the time that you can get.
If you want MORE time than you can get, then you need to revaluate
your current usage of time and figure out a new plan.

For example, I try to get up 30 minutes earlier than usual now so that I can ride my bike
to the coffee shop I like to get a coffee.

I don't do this every day, but when else am I going to get to do this?

Truen says that she can't believe how early I leave.
I says that I have to do this if I want to get some time for myself.

It is harder for her because of how she always has the baby.
But I think that the baby is one more reason to MAKE yourself do the things you want to do.

A game I play is that I pretend that the baby is making me do things.
Like he is controlling me with his little baby brain.
"Go get a coffee." or "Take me for a walk."
Then that way I am doing what he wants, and it is also what I want.

So Yemen huh?
How about that?
Let's see, Mr. Mc-Cain can't talk about the current GLOBAL ECONOMIC FAILURE, so let's give him something
he CAN talk about.
Like some explosions in Yemen.
Give me a break.
These people don't even have to try to cover it up anymore.
It makes me sick.

My Mom was talking about voting.
Yeah, I guess.
But that is assuming that voting does anything.
Look at the past two elections and it is pretty obvious that votes don't mean what they should.
There is even a new documentary about it.
It is called Stealing America Vote by Vote.
Watch it and cry.

I feel very sad about all of this.
I don't know what to do if we have to deal with 4 more years of war mongering, homophobic, pro-life bullshit again.
I mean, these people are just shit heads right?

lvoematthew

Play from your heart.

SO...
The Large Hadron Collider is supposed to be up and running soon.
That hurricane F'ed up Texas.
Things are going to get worse before they get better.
Now the presidential race is about the economy.
News keeps coming up about what a jerk Sarah Palin is.
Gross.
But who cares because maybe a black hole might open up once they start colliding.
Or maybe there could be an actual Stargate.

I don't even know what those are.
I just heard about them on TV.

So at this party, I might have some tacos.
Also maybe some pie or something.
We'll see.

lvoemattehw

The Plunge Cut!!!

Isn't it cute when babies can project their thoughts into existence?
I just get a kick out of it.

For real though, he started to crawl.
I got it on video.
It was hard to do!
He crawls really, really fast!

It is almost more like teleportation now that I think about it.

So I been cutting this chunk of wood in my yard.
I had to try multiple cutting methods.
I think I may have figured out the right way...
IS there a right way to begin with?
I am not sure.

I am happy for Aaron Rodgers, I feel like he was looking forward to getting to play
and it shows while he is on the field.

Brett on the other hand I feel mixed about.
I have to admit that it makes me happy to see him play some more.
But I felt so bad when he threw that interception because he is not in the place that loves him anymore.
Here, they just expect "the legend" of Brett Favre.

I don't know.

Hey! I am going to have a party.
lvoemattthew

Well would you look at that?

Well we seemed to have a good thing going with the sleeping baby.
But then SOME PEOPLE decided that sleeping all night through was fun anymore...
Like a team formed all of a sudden.
The one guy wakes me up by screaming and then the other guy keeps me up by telling me
that the first guy is screaming.

It is a brilliant strategy.

Speaking of those, how sad is it that Sarah Palin is in the news?
She makes me very sad.

The whole presidential race is making me sad.
I feel so teased.
It is like showing me the really good OTHER present I COULD have had
and then giving me some shitty "new" present.

Gee, thanks... Dickhead.

The thing about Sarah Palin is that she is such a shitty present.
She sounds like a shitty person, and her nomination seems like the most shitty and desperate
move that the people in charge could have made.

And the fact that we have lived with such a lousy guy in charge for the past eight years,
our standards are so low that people are actually going to take this woman seriously,
it just seems pathetic.

And it makes me sad.

So what can I do?
I can vote.
But after I do that, I am washing my hands of the whole system and going to
live in the remaining 4% or our natural wilderness...
FOREVER!

lovematthew

Keep that shit to yourself.

Do you know Del?
He is full of philosophical one liners.
He is like a Dominican Yogi.

Today I moved a couple of cabinets.
They were heavy.
They had to go down some stairs.
But when you compare all the jobs, I got the easiest part.
So I can't complain.

Or maybe I could...

Do you know Kate?
If you do, ask her to email me about the boxes.
I can't get a hold of her otherwise.

Well, the Packers looked good, and the Vikings looked bad.
Until Sunday, all is right in my world.

I hope you are well.
lovemathew

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So today is the day that it starts.
The day that we will see how it goes here in New York.

It only took a week and look, we got that baby sleeping like a adult!

I have been busy I guess.
I didn't mean to be.
But I got a lot on my mind, and I didn't want to bother you guys with my worries and thoughts.
So I been laying low.

I made these boxes.
I put my stress in there.
lovemathew