I got to go.

The ship is docked and ready to disembark on it's journey.
lovematthew

Sooner than later.

I enjoy washing out the bathtub.
It is one of several things that I feel very confident in my ability doing.
Cleaning the bathtub and linear equations.
And being awesome at most things I try to do.
Anyways, I cleaned the tub today.
I think one of the things I like so much about this task is how gross the tub gets.
It is gross, and then I scrub it out and it is clean.
A nice new clean surface to get gross all over again.

Truen has been meditating lately, and she enjoys it a lot.
The state that she describes being most desirable, the one that you shoot for, it sounds a lot like when I scrub the tub.
I know it isn't the exact same, but when she describes the whole process to me,
I imagine scrubbing the tub.
Shutting down my brain, strong focus on nothing...
I like it.

Tomorrow I leave for a week in Wisconsin.
I am stoked beyond the beyond.
I will try my hand at dancing at a wedding, I will watch a Packer game at a small Wisconsin bar.
I will jump repeatedly into the lake.
Over and over until I attain my tub scrubbing state of enlightenment.

I love you guys.
lovmathew

Oh to be young again!

Don't forget who you are.
Someone said this to me tonight.
But there is a difference between what I am to someone else
and what I am in my own eyes and headspace.

I am not someone that can stay up late.
That is for sure.

I miss my baby and my wife.
I will see them soon, but I think I take it for granted that they are around CONSTANTLY.

I will take a shower now and see you in the morning.
lovmthw

Horrible Tasting Ninja Pie.

Oh man, I have been failing lately.
I have only had the energy
the power
the drive
I have only been running on reserves for months now.
I am beat.

Chalk one up for Life, it has beaten me.

I am just kidding,
as in I am not really beaten yet.
But it is good to acknowledge that it is always a possibility.
Never underestimate your opponent.

Jim is here, he is visiting and I don't know what to do with him.
He is into MMA Fighting now, and so he showed me a bunch of
clips that made me kind of want to vomit, in a good way.
I can understand why people like it, I can even see embracing it as a fan.
But I don't think I will ever be a fan of the culture.
All the macho-ness of it is really unappealing to me.
Still, it is pretty impressive once you start to realize what you are seeing.

I have to go get a donut,
another small victory!

Your solid foundation is worthless.

A solid foundation.
More like the illusion of a solid foundation.

I think that my landlord has been spending my rent money on one or both of his cars and flashy lifestyle rather than pay his mortgage. I can only imagine that is where the money went, because how else could he still drive those around when we got served papers that the house is in foreclosure?
Yeah, the apartment I have made a home in for my family is now probably going to get taken away, and I feel pretty bad.
No one gives a shit about your solid foundation.

If it isn't the bank, it's your boss.
If it's not your boss, it's the government.
If it's not the government, it's the militia that just took advantage of the politically unstable environment and you probably have it way worse than me and my irresponsible landlord and I just sound like another whiny American bitch.
And if it is none of those things it is probably Mother Nature.

Always something to gunk up the gears and remind you that no matter how well you try to insulate yourself from events in your life, you have no control. There is always something that can find it's way in and ruin your efficient little life engine.

I mean, here I got myself up off the ground, got used to living here in this place that is constantly trying to swat me away, and I am chugging along with Truen and Axel on my back, and then this all happens.
And thankfully it is only this, honestly this is just a minor inconvenience really.
But DAMN! I have a nice little thing going here and I really don't want to have to go through getting started all over again somewhere else.

Options include moving within the city, Brooklyn probably, Queens possibly?
Tossing in the towel and going back to Wisconsin so that Truen can finish school and we can be closer to all the families.
Last night I was convinced that was the way to go.
This morning I am not so sure, but still leaning towards something in that vein.

I am going to run around the track and ponder.
lovmathew

The River.

Oh my son.
I put my lovely son to bed, and now it is quiet.
I feel so blessed to know Him.
I feel as though He existed in some other realm long before Truen and I were ever ready to be parents.
Before we even knew each other.
Almost as if we met and joined forces if only to provide a place in this world for Him.
Like there is a long fence that stretches forever into the distance in all directions.
Truen and I are on one side.
Unbeknownst to us, He is on the other.
And unwittingly, we provided the cosmic tools for him to break his way through.
Right into our lives.
Right into my arms.
How can a person that is so small, who has been around for such a short time in my life...
How can someone have such a strong impact on my soul?
On my Being?
On my universal view?
In the quiet moments after he is first asleep
and I am tiptoeing to the kitchen to eat my cold dinner I ponder my existence.
No matter what I feel I may have been put on this earth to do, none of it seems as important
as raising and loving my son.

Chews Your Battles.

The Dominican Republic.
D.R.
Apparently this is a place.
A beautiful place, possibly the only place in the world where you can not only see whales but also people having sex,
all in the same ocean.
It is obviously a place full of forward thinking people.
And disturbed whales.

I was not even clear on the existence or location of the D.R. until I started working with several "dominicans".
They brought me up to speed pretty quick.
And today is the Dominican Pride Parade, so anything I wasn't clear on has been made clear to me now.
Very forward thinking, informative parade minded individuals.

Dimelo Conjo Tato!!!

lovamthwe

Peach Gorge.

When Truen and I first moved here and lived in the hole, we would walk "home" late at night
we would walk past a place in Greenpoint called Rachel's Garden.
It was open until really late, and we would get our groceries there.

Hit Crackers.
Bottled water.
Nutella.
Apples.

I continued to shop there after we moved out of the Hole, when I started working in the area.
I would stop on the way home to get some vegetables and fruit.
They have a good selection and it is fairly priced.

I still go there but not as often.
I bought some peaches there recently, I am addicted to these peaches.
Truen can't understand how I can eat so many peaches.
But I can't understand how she CAN'T eat all these peaches.

They are like sweet pieces of candy, they are so juicy and sweet!
I want to eat the all right now, all 6 of them.
It would boost my peach count to 9 for the day.
I had three for breakfast.

It is the only way I know.
When I was little, my MOm would buy a watermelon and I would eat the whole thing in one day.
Later on after I met my friend Justin and started living in his basement and backyard pool,
I would eat all their watermelon also.
His Dad would try to hide it from me but I would find it and eat it and think,
"Well, if they don't want me to eat it, they need to hide it better."
I honestly couldn't help myself.
And I still can't.

It is the only way I know.
I am like an alcoholic, but for fruit.

Dang!
My baby is HUGE.
He is a giant baby.
He has me worried, I don't think I will be larger than him for mush longer.
And you can't reason with him, so if he gets bigger than me, I am at his mercy.

Hey, did you grow up in Racine?
There was a restaurant over at Elmwood Plaza, and it was set towards the back of the parking lot, and it had a
Girls name, what was it called?
Can someone please remind me?

I have to go.
loamrhew

Ironic T Shirt.

Do you live in California?
What is that like?
While you have been thinking about what it is like to live there, have you by any chance seen this painting?
The above painting?
I sent it out to your fair state a while ago, and I have not heard from it since.
I wonder if it is okay?
You know, well fed and dry?
Did you buy it!?
IS that what happened?
No?
Well, you could.
Do you have any idea what my storage closet situation is here?
There is simply no more room.

Even if it is one of my more favorite pieces as of late.

So back to California and what makes it so great,
What makes it so great?
I hear things, but that means nothing to me.
I have more of a tactile way of learning.
I need to FEEL the ground and air.
I have to admit, the water sounds nice.

Well if you happen to know where this painting is, let me know.
Or just send me some bucks and you can keep it out there, where it is obviously more comfortable than Brooklyn.
lovamtewh

You know.

I am falling apart.
My empire is crumbling!!
All of the things I had planted into a solid foundation are shaking loose and floating away.

I am being forced into a bit of a battle of wills with my son.
He is testing me.
The boy is almost as tall as I am, and he is only just 17 months old.
The main reason I do my push ups now is for self defense.
Serious!
I can't reason with him, He can't even speak English yet.
And I don't know French OR Spanish, so we are reduced to grunting and yelling in languages the other one doesn't understand.
It is truly a multi lingual, pathetic mess.
Losing to a baby.
Who ever even heard of such a thing?

I bought a hose and a quick release spigot type fixture to attach the hose to the kitchen faucet.
Today, The Boy pooped in his little pool, and I just turned on the hose and sprayed him as he ran around the yard trying to get away from the spray.
Oh I laughed and laughed!

Aside from that, He has continually bested me and beaten my soul into bloody submission.

Will you come baby sit while I move to Mexico?
Think about it,
I have to wrestle him to sleep.
lovmathew