Starting Over.

I have been asking Google for answers lately.

Or at least, asking for direction.

Might as well.

It is so pretty here right now.

After the heat melted away all hope for the future

the clouds set in and cooled everything off.

Now it is just a beautiful breeze

and a knockout sunset.

You know how sometimes you are digging through the bucket of Lego, looking for that one tiny piece to complete your model and you are raking through the bricks over and over, again and again and then just as you are about to take the whole thing and smash it to pieces you

find that it has been right there in front of you, connected to the model you are trying to build?

Isn't that just like life?

I mean, really.

A thing about life is that it is special and fleeting.

And depending on where you stand and look at it, it's either something 

you want to let pass through you and experience or it is something that you want

to gather up in your greedy fists and keep, unchanged, forever.

There is something to be said for either way.

Not to mention all the other ways to look at it.

...Anyways.

My friends passed through on their way from Long Island back to Michigan.

They gave me an A+ and left me with two special beers.

So that was nice.

I love those guys.

I love you.

 

Sound the Conch!!

Some people are on a wavelength.

Right? Similar ones, wavelengths, that vibrate out into weird parts of the universe.

It is a blessing when you are open to these people and you actually meet one, or a few.

They are good to know.

They are the ones that will stay with you through this life and probably the next couple.

As long as you want to be around each other I mean.

They don't even need to be physically present.

The Universe can be a big place, so it wouldn't make sense to expect them to be around always.

That doesn't mean they don't have your back.

The hammer falls, the chord is struck, and out goes the vibrational call.

The conch is lifted to the mouth of an intergalactic messenger and...

Bhawoooohhh!

A friend said I was in her dream and there was mud and healing involved.

Did I feel any better today?

Well, shit, now that she mentioned it, yes I did.

I got all that sleep I was telling you guys about.

Coincidence?

Who cares!

I believe.

I believe.

The Good Land.

Everything is fine.
Everything is good.

Passed up on.

There was a time when I would wake up early.

While everyone else would sleep, I would dress and slip out into the dark.

Warm up the car, wait.

Pull a U'ey and get onto the highway and head west.

Pass the Indian Casino and the baseball stadium.

Pull into the dark parking lot and head inside.

I had this job baking muffins and scones at a Co-op

in Wisconsin and it was a good job.

I don't know what is bringing this memory into my head right now.

Maybe it is the music on the radio?

Yes.

You guys, that was a very long time ago.

That was at least nine residences ago!

Where did that time go?

Who cares?!

I have so much to show for what I have done with my life since then.

And I wasn't spending much time looking back until recently.

I am a forward thinking person, so I look forward.

Der.

But recently I have been searching, sifting through the pieces.

Like I am trying to reassemble a broken plate, or something else that is equally breakable.

Putting like sized pieces into their respective piles and areas.

Brushing everything off and examining each piece.

Looking through a new lens.

Does the past hold up?

Let's see...

My friend Jim said that when he found out about his cancer he spent a lot of time looking back.

Trying to pin down a more precise time that he should have seen the signs.

As if that would have allowed him to somehow undo things.

Change of diet, exercise more, praying...

Like there is some thing that you didn't do right.

And I tell myself what I told him:

It's nothing personal. 

Things happen.

And still I sort.

And still I examine.

Late into the night.

Wondering.

Practicing my breathing.

Let's all hug.

I am flying high right now I tell you what.
I had this intense loading, unloading, reloading and storing experience just play out in real life and I am spent!!

Hooo Boy.

Tonight was the last night that Burger will probably spend in this apartment.
The one we brought him home to after his birth!
I am sweating tears right now.

He knows something is up, he can tell.
He has been a complete dick to me lately, but I can't hold it against him.
This move is his move as well, and I need to remember that.
But seriously? A total dick.

But then I was carrying him around and he started to chew on my neck and then we were both laughing and it was great.
It is a prank that he pulls on me where he gets real sweet and cuddly only to pounce on my jugular as soon as my guard is down.
So good for him that he has exposed my weakness.
Until he pants's me in public, he's got nothing on me!

I love him so much it just about kills me.

Anyways, so we are nearing our departure from NY.
We are coming back.
Everyone acts like we won't, I think because no one really wants to be here in the first place.
But that isn't true.
It is all about how you light everything.

I was driving to the storage shed and I felt an intense love for my life I built in NY.
This is harder than I ever worked back in WI, so this is where my home is now.
Whether I like it or not.

I gotta go.
Talk to you later.

The Long Drag.

If you look really closely you can still see some arms and eyes.
But for the most part, the last remaining traces of my old life have been covered up and forgotten.
But I still try to leave my marks when I can.

Big Game.

This is it my friends.
The day that many of us has waited for.
This is a big game.
I had to cancel all party activities.
I am in bunker mode.
Well, MOST party activities.
I am so excited.
I can barely stand it.
It will be emotional.
I look forward to my emotional release.
A big pitcher of emotions!
I am losing my marbles.

Those who look inward awaken.

Different Shades Of The Same.

The light doesn't get colder or grayer than in WIsconsin.
For me anyways.

Hot Bowl O' Perspective.

Oh my bros, I don't know where to start or where to begin.
I had my trip back home to Wisconsin.
Some people call it 'Sconny, and those people should be punished for that.
I got to go back all by myself, or so I thought.
Turns out Burger was secreted away in my carry on bag, and by the time I found out they had already closed the doors to the plane.
I was equal parts upset and amazed.
I got to see my family, and I got to go into a swimming pool with my boy.
I got a flashy new blue windbreaker.
Then I went to a sermon at my Mom's church and I felt guilty for getting the new flashy windbreaker.
Only mildly guilty though since technically it was on it's way to a landfill.

On to other news, what a terribly sad thing that is happening with this oil spill huh?
We have to just sit back and watch these huge companies rape the earth, brutally rape the earth.
I guess we can blame the oil companies, but those companies are made up of people, and those people are killing us all.
Or at least they are trying to.
And what is at stake for them?
Less than record profits? They act like they are doing this to help us be less dependent on foreign oil but that is such a fucking joke. They are just doing this for money, more money than any group of people actually needs. These types of people are the absolute worst and they get away with this shit over and over again.
And what can we do about it?

Mankind will kill itself off, and these people are getting the job started.

Well, anyways, moving on, I drew this picture a long time ago, in a different life.
And I happened to see it hanging in a house in Bayview, WI.
Can you believe that!?
Tis a wonder.
lovmathew

South Eastern Wisconsin Babyball Tournament.

This is a photo of my Brother about to spike the "ball" after I misread his route and he broke open to receive the go ahead touchdown.

IT was a very disappointing game.

You can probably tell by the look on my face.

Well, that's all.
lvoematthew