montreal to tokyo.

i have never been to either of those places.
that makes me sad in a lot more ways than i actually thought it did.
guys, i just want to talk about the band rancid. do you know the music that you think of when you think of your fondest memories? you know how even the bad music that you hated at the time makes you kind of smile sometimes when you hear it at the gas station or in the doctors office? but you knwo how some music just really makes you stop doing whatever you are doing and you suddenly have to sort through all of the memories that are flooding through your head? how there are certain bands that you think of as "your" band? like you know that everyone has the right to like them, but you know that they can't possibly like them the way that only you do? isn't that awesome!? you are the only person that can appreciate that song, or that band or that album, you are the only one that can like it the exact way that you do. what could possibly feel better than having a song float out of a speaker and completely make you smile and reflect?
i am not ashamed to say that i like the band rancid. i don't care. i can even say that if i were to tell a band that i "loved" their music, i would tell rancid.
ready? here are the top three bands that i would tell that i love them: rancid, rage against the machine and radiohead.
all start with "ra" there is nothing more to that, but i just find it interesting.
but how could i ever not enjoy that music? i listened to rancid since i was in highschool, and all i had to do was go to my awesome highschool walden III in racine wisconsin, ride my skateboard around, wash dishes at the hospital and think about girls. and so many tiimes the musicc that was playing was rancid. i can tell you the first time i ever heard them right where i was. i was in the car with amber schauss and nathan wells and we were at the intersection of 21st st and arlington ave. it was on the radio. it wass "roots radicals" on one of those shows where they play two new songs and you have to call in and yell why you think one rules and one sucks.
one of my best friends in my life is my friend because we both liked rancid. we went to see them in chicago and we rear ended a jeep of stoners on the highway. and we still went to the show.
me and jim and justin listened to life won't wait all summer andd road long boards and played video games at my apartment in racine. we called it the Pad 2000. me andd justin were counting down the days to the release of that record.
this is so fun remembering this stuff. guys, can we always talk about music? i love doing that. it is my favorite thing to do. it is like playiing in a time machine.
well, i just wanted to clarify that i am proud to be a fan of rancid.
that's all.
lovematthew

a blue time. a time for the blues.

how is it so hard to communicate with people?
not always, but sometimes?
it feels like the best feeling in the world when you feel like you are in the righ tplace at the right time to get along with someone. but then it is so sad when you drift out of touch with that person.
anyways, milwaukee is doing fine without me i guess. i like it here, but ther ain't no place to just go jump in the water, and there is traffic everywhere you go, and there are people bustling about and they don't even look at you in the face.
this is still my favorite city, and if i were to live in a city again, i would like it to be this one.
i feel like i am being pushed out of thiis place though.
if you ever find out that i disappeared into the woods and was never heard from agaiin, don't be surprised.
don't worry about me, i will be fine, i am an excellent fire starter. and i could probably catcha fish if i had to.
i get along with chloe the dog and i like to think that this general acceptence on her part would transend to alll creatures. perhaps one day, when you can even get wireless internet in the woods you will find a post of me with all of my buddies that i made in the woods.
or else you will find a piicture of my remains posted by all of the creatures that i thought were my buddies.
either way i could really care less.
be good guys. lovematthew

justin's impending wedding.

dude, my friend justin is getting married. did you know that?
well i don't know what to say at the wedding. i think i should say something, but i'll be damned if i know what it is.
i was laying in the sun today andd i was trying to come up with something good.
ii can do it! i know i can!
truen is sad about how her dad seems so sad lately.
i think that it must be hard to hold yourself in checck all the time and never let it go.
do you know my friend caitlin? she drove me to my doctor's appointment on monday. isn't that nice?
maybe i can show you a picture sometime? yes? olkay, until then!
lovematthew

i have a life plan!

well i don't know what to say about this, i can't get the photos to upload so you will have to wait again to see the bruised stump that used to be my foot.
in the mean time let me tell you about the spider i saw this morning. i saw a spider this morning! it wass big! bigger than spiders you find in the city, but smaller than spiders you find in banana groves. it wass brown and it's legs looked like little tiny skinny fingers. i like watching spiders move around but only from a safe distance. i like how theey wave their legs around feeling for stuff. this one wass not furry, but it probably gets furry later in the season. i always want to touch things, even if i am scared of them, i have equal parts fear and curiosity. i jsut let it alone though becausee i pictured myself being startled and falling down or something.
so, anyways, how is that for a story?
how about this one? my mom wrote to me and asked if i wanted to have a lunch date with just me and her? i said of course! i have been waiting for that to happen ever since nathan wass born! isn't that a funny joke? nathan is my younger brother by ten years. i thought it was pretty funny.
we have to talk about my life plan. i don't know what to say about it really. i thought that being alive was about as good as could be expected. i know i got to change some things, but really, how likely is it that after making a plan that things will follow that plan? i know that i made plans before, but they never turn out to be anything close to what i had planned for.
the other morning truen wass writing down her work schedule and mimi asked what she was doing. truen said she wass making a schedule... for her life. and mimi just laughed and said "good luck". i agree completely, how are you supposed to anticipate anything? you can't. or at least i can't. i just wake up and go to my job and then come home and cook dinner and hang out with truen or draw and then go to sleep and then do that again the next day.
some days i go swimming, some days i ride my bike, some days i readd a book, some days i drop a knife on my foot. some days i wake up with a cold, some days i eat something that makes me sick. what am i supposed to do about it? i know that i should give myself something more concrete to hold on to, and i am going to try to do that. really i am.
but i don't have to make myself crazy with it right? there are ways around certain stressful areas right? sure there are. if anyone ccan find them it is me.
glenn called me lazy because i want to make things easy for myself. i was shocked! glenn! we're buddies! you should know i am not lazy! i think he ws just trying to guage my reaction. my reactionwas, like i said, shocked. why does that make me lazy iif i want something to be easy? what wold make me lazy is if i didn't even try to think of a way to accomplish something in the first place. i would be lazy iif i tried to do something and gave up half way through. but to start out small and easy, to me that is just good common sense. find out if you are interested in your idea, and if you are, well build from there. but don't bite off more than you can chew right?
i guess it just feels like i always think i am doing fine, but then i have someone pointing out what might be wrong with what i am doing. i apprecciate opinions, i do. i am jsut always surprised. like i said, how are you supposed to anticipate anything? i don't think you do. i think you just trust your instincts, use common sense and deal with iit when it happens.
be good guys. lvoematthew

man handled!

well i HAVE photos, i just can't upload them right now.
it is something with the connection. so let me describe it.
it felt great! to take the bandage off and have some fresh air on my foot, it was sweet!
there is still a big piece of tape over the incision, so i didn't get to see the stitches, i have to wait until next week.
so, that is one more week that i am supposed to not work.
dang man, ANY other time of the year and i would be doiing some sort of acrobatic maneuver allowed by my gimpy foot, but not now man! i need to work! that is the whole point of summer. but i suppose what is one paycheck? i can miss one paycheck right? of course i can.
the important thing to do now is to try and find someone to pin this accident on and sue them.
well, be good, i am goinng to go now.
lovematthew

in my dreams it twitches.

what do you think you smell like? i don't put on any cologne or anything, and i wonder what that smells like. i know that i only notice when i really stink, but everyone has a smell right? not a bad smell, but you know, how skin smells? i suppose it is based on your diet and the soap you use and the laundry soap you use, but i try to not put any smells on myself but i have to smell like something right?
i eat a lot of fruit and peanut M+M's.
i don't want that to be my defining smell though.
i want to walk passt people and have them really notice me, but in a good way.
i want to leave a memorable scent.
the scent of victory, or purpose. the smell of confidence!
i got to go!
lovmeathew

my stitches itches!

dude, it is difficult trying to get comfortable enough to sleep with this stupid boot on. i don't like.
and now it is starting to regain feeling in my foot. i guess they really pumped it full of numbing medicine. so it throbs. IT THROBS!!! last night truen and i went with elizibeth to evan's house. it was fun! why weren't you there!? we watched this movie called rumor has it. it was not that great, but it was sort of depressing because i couldn't concentrate on anything but how unattractive all of the people in the movie were. i know that sounds shallow, but it isn't supposed to be. what i mean is that what makes the people in that movie special? they don't look that great, and they weren't that great of actors. so what are they doing there? kevin costner looks super old. jennifer aniston has a face like a lion. mark ruffalo... who?
i guess i was just surprised by how un hollywood these people seemed in the movie, and i wonder what seperated them from the rest of us animals.
back to work!
lovematthew

yeah, those are different.

truen just invented a new way of knitting. at least, it is new to me and truen.
something about staring at a computer screen for a couple of hours is hurting my eyes and the ack of my brain.
last night i was adjusting the pillows beneath my leg and i moved my foot and i felt the tendon for the first time in a week. it wass startling, and i got worried that i ruined my stitches. i am sure i didn't, but you know how i can worry.
dude, like i even care about my toe! i mean, if i could not move it again, i wouldn't care, i just want to be able to put on some regular shoes and not limp around. i just hope that the tendon is fine, and that i can go back to work soon. in the mean time i posted a bunch of things for sale on mywebite, prints and cards and things. it is through cafe press. i don't know if it is cheating, but i have to keep busy and it seemed like as good of an idea as any other one right? then i tried to make the links work on the blog, but it didn't seem to take, perhaps it iis just the internet connection.
so i hope you are well, i am doing fine by most accounts, whatever that means.
lveomattehw

dang man, crutches swuck!

dude, i don't like carrying my stitched ass all over the place on these dang crutches.
it sucks.
i feel like i have enough emotional and chemical crutches in my life, i do not have any place for actual physical crutches.
anyways, it has been nice explaining to each and every person i run in to how i hurt myself. i enjoy telling and re-telling a story over and over again. i like embellishing with each re-telling. it feels good.
better even than the stitches that are running the length of my foot!
well, i will talk more with you later, for now i toast!
loveamttehw

a ten hour drive.

this is me, about ten minutes before they started the IV. sorry, I forgot not everyone is down with the lingo, "IV" stands for "IN VEIN". i will try to dumb it down from here on out. anywyas, have you ever had an IV? they aren't even that bad, I have had more than my fair shaare of them recently. i wass sitting with truen and i am in my gown and she says "i have seen you in this outfit way too many times" and i totally agree. but i would rather it be me than her, and i would rther it be a smiling picture than the picture i found after i was knocked out but before surgery which was this one:


anyways, after they opened up my foot the tendon snapped back further than they thought it would and they had to make a larger incision and snoop around with some tweezers or something. but they got it, and they sewed it, but there are no pictures of actual surgery, sorry. well, it wass alright, all in all it was more painful when i sprained my ankle 7 years ago. that hurt like a bastard.
so now i am on the couch for most of the day watching NFL network's coverage of training camp and their recaps of last year's top teams. i still think the seahawks were robbed. yeah the steelers played better in the last half, and i suppose the truly great team would not let bad officiating hold them back from a title 30 years in the making, but watching the replays, i feel that they weere robbed.
well, be good, i will talk to you later.
lvoematthew

kick it!

my mom says that things like this happen to help us in order to help us take stock of everything and think.
i agree. my mom is very wise.
i woke up this morning and it was raining softly. how comforting. then the rain stopped and i got dressed and walked to the house, grabbed a towel and headed to the dock. the water was cool and calm. it was a good way to start the day, even if the day involves a 4 inch incision along the top of my foot.
i guess i won't feel too hot tomorrow, at least that is what they told me, but i think that i have a pretty quick healing process, and i have a decent pain tolerance, so i don't see that this will be something that will keep me down for long. the main thing is the big boot i have to wear. that will take some time i'm sure.
i will talk to yousoon.
lveoamtewh

wii

are you as excited about the new nintendo system as i am? i doubt it.
alright, it is possible you are as excited as i am, but my excitement counts more since you probably have all of your tendons connected in their proper positions.
i went swimming this morning, or actually i went bobbing. i kind of just climbed down the ladder and bobbed in the water for a minute. it felt good, and since i got some special bandaids to keep water out, i figured i might as well enjoy a dip before i got to get my cast on.
i will post pictures later.
hey guys, let's all try to work on our manners when we order the food or drink that someone else is making for you.
you are not entitled to have whatever you want. you should be thankful that you have a choice to make in the first place. let's all try to remmber to say please and thank you. let's all try to leave our attitudes and cell phones in the car, or on the street. let's use actual universally accepted sizes like "large" or "small", grande? what the hell is that? venti? F that to the highest! let's all remember that you are basically asking someone to prepare you something to eat or drink, this person is a human being and doesn't HAVE to do anything for you.
right? i mean, am i right? am i on to something? what are you going to do? when it comes down to it, you are asking someone to do something that you can't do for yourself at that very moment, so show some appreciation to that person because otherwise you would have to go without and how would THAT make you feel?
i thought so.
lovematthwe

something else i thought of.

i do this thing where i want something very badly and i obsess over it constantly. it can last a couple of days, it can last a couple of hours, it can be that i want a sandwich, it can be that i want a mini wiener dog, it can be anything really. recently it has been that i want a volkswagon mini bus. an old one, not the new eurovan. i found out that volswagon engines are easier to fix than other engines, and that there are manuals that break it down into very easy steps. i thought "i could probably do that." and i probably can. but i need one first. so, i wass looking online andd i found one near madison. it is three thousand dollars and the guy selling it has not gotten back to me to answer any of the questions i asked concerning the van. but the yearning is still there and i think this could be one of those rare occurances in my life where i want something badly enough that i see it through to the end. of course i don't have three thousand dollars, and if i DID, i would never be able to spend it on a mini bus. but if i were to happen upon a mini bus that i could have if i fixed it up, i am sure that i would be able to devvote myself to that bus andd make it great.
i think that it would combine a lot of my yearnings and interests and wants. it would be like adopting a child or puppy that was also a robot and/or E.T. that needed my limited knowledge of engines and automobiles to fix it so that it could return to it's home planet. i think i smell a hit movie in the works. someone should tell steven spielberg to scrap that bogus "Lincoln" movie and get to work on this cash machine. it would be easy enough for him, he could even keep liam neeson to star as the voice of the robot/puppy/E.T.
then after the dust has settled from the whirlwind success of my idea, i could use the money to buy a mini bus. i could even pay someone to make into my dream machine.

sweaty stack of pancakes

one of the upsides to this little accident is that it hass allowed me a little more time to draw and work on my website. that is always good to do. for instance i made this yesterday.

this is the knife that fell off the counter that cut the tendon that is in my foot that lifts the toe that helps me balance so i can walk like a normal human being with all tendons intact.
it is a nice knife, it was a wedding present. a sharp knife is safer than a dull knife, but both are dangerous when gravity is involved.
i will be having a small group show in door county this august. it is in a small gallery owned by my friends Barb and Gregg. i think it will be nice.
... another thing about this injury is that it gives me lots of time to think about my life and look at it in terms of where it is headed and what should i be doing. so, when i have more to say about that, i will let you know.
lvoematewh

the solution for polution is dilution.

did i even spell dilution right? i wonder? dillution? that looks like too many "l's" anyways, guess what? I have an appontment to go get my tendon looked at on Friday. SWEET! I only have to wait four more days! hopefully by then the wound will be healed up and I can look forward to having the doctor say, "well, now that you are hear, why don't you come back in a week and I can cut open your foot again and let the healing process start all over again." i am actually jsut thankful that i get to get it looked at.
dang dude.
let's see, on the plus side, i will go back to work on thursday, if only just to not fall out of the groove.
also i updated truen's website, i think it is getting closer and closer to coherency with each revision. let's see how this one works.
www.hellofromtruen.com
also, i have a different blog on myspace, is it even worth iit? who knows?
i am going to go home to draw. lovematthew

drop toe.

hey guess what i did? i dropped a knife on my foot and severed the flexor tendon above my big toe. I now have what will forever be known as "drop toe". I like the sound of it actually, and the doctor just made it up right there on the spot. So, now if it ever happens to you, or you hear someone saying "this looks like a classic case of drop toe" you can say, "hey! I know the original drop toe!"
it wass not really painful like I thought something like that would be. It happened really fast, it was so quick that when I was staring down into the inner workings of my right foot, everything in there was still blue and purple. It hardly blead at all. I have three stitches iin there riight now, but I have to go back to get the tendon stitched together again. I only had Truen's camera, so until I get the film developed, I don't have any pictures of it. I will post them when I can.
I am off of work for a couple of days.
I feel like I am a lightning rod for accidents and illness, but so far only minor things, which I am thankful for.
This is all one biig coping mechanism.
I am actually really sad about the whole thing.

tubey arms.

dude, it is my day off! and i am working on my day off! making sandwiches on my day off!
truen and i are trying to figure out what we are doing in the fall.
she says travel, i say... travel also.
but it is hard to picture myself having the money to do that, because i think, i don't know for sure but i think, i think that traveling will take a lot of money and how will we get back to our home if we have used all of our money to get to where we went? i just don't know.
who knows?
anyways, i got to thinking about how i have to do some things different. i mean in order to have the things that i would like to have. maybe a baby sometime. or a at the very least, a puppy. or some property to hang out on where i can wear as little clothing as i want to. or as much clothing, if it is wisconsin winter. i think there are plenty of good ways to get to those points in my life, but i don't know how much of that requires a completely diifferent direction than the one i am on.
that shit is tiring and boring to think about.
instead i will prepare myself to go make some food for tourists.
lovematthew

early release.

the other night truen and i walked to the dock in ephraim and we took these pictures.
actually, i lied. these might be from two seperate trips, but since we are always doing this, does it really matter WHEN we jumped? I didn't think so.
Do you know the feeling of having a dream suddenly that you want to just be a reality as soon as possible?
I have that feeling a lot lately.
well, that is all for now, I am jsut waiting for truen to be done with work so that we can go home and swim some more.
this summer is ruling.

so much.

dang dude, i am sleepy. i can't sleep in the morning because it is so dang loud outside! shut up birds!!! plus i want to go to sleep earlier, but then it never works because it seems light outside until almost ten, and then there is usually some kind of conversation with T dubs that last an hour or so, by then it is later than i want it to be, and i am all keyed up from my convo. so i end up reading for a while and well, then all of a sudden it is morning. oh, by the way "convo" is short for conversation.
it has been cold lately, 54 degrees in july!? what the F?
well my mom is coming up to visit tomorrow, she is bringing nathan, my brother.
do you have any brothers? aren't they weird?
well, be good. lvoemattehw

where i am in the morning.

yeah, believe that.

for some reason i thought that was your mom.

dude, i don't know if this is even the best way to do this, but this seems like the easiest way to update on a daily basis rather than going in to golive and making new pages to upload onto my website. so, for now, this is this. later is later.
for the past month i have been living in a tent in a small grove of sumach trees. the mosquitoes have been terrible, and the birds wake me up at four or five in the morning, but things couldn't be better. now i just have to figure out how to turn this into my life forever. i think a camper trailer is the answer, so i guess that i should just prepare you for that now, instead of surprising you later. on my website the column on the left is all on paper and that is my most recent work. the column on the right is all on wood, and that is a bit older, but not by that much. i like the wood stuff a lot, but there is a nice thing about usiing paper because it goes so much quickly, and it is less set up time.
anyways how are you doing? how is your summer? would you like to talkk to me sometime? if so, please do. you can email me from my website, and once you do, we can begin to correspond, if you want to. or you can look at hellofromtruen.com, that girl seems to be on to something there.
i work at a breakfast burrito stand in ephraim, WI. I also work at a deli counter in fish creek, WI. I also sometimes work for my fater in lay by chipping brush and splitting logs.
when i am not working ii am swimming and tending fiires and shooting arrows and petting Chloe, the dog.
i will talk to you soon, and thank you for looking.
lovematthew